Crossroads Theater
by Hikaru Irving
Summary: Namco's Tales series. Skit Theater, crossover between all Tales games I have played. Spoilers for all games. Phantasia, Symphonia, Abyss, Legendia, Rebirth, and Vesperia.
1. Ruin Mode and Mecha Mode

Hikaru: I know that this site doesn't like script format, but . . . let us stretch our imaginations and say this is like a play . . . yes?

Roland: Hikaru Irving owns nothing.

--

Lloyd: "Hey, Luke, I was wondering . . ."

Luke: "What's the matter?"

Lloyd: "Well . . . Raine has Ruin Mode . . ."

Luke: "Oh, wow, Ruin Mode? You gave it a name? Must be bad."

Lloyd: "So . . . does Guy have Mecha Mode?"

Luke: "Ehh . . . you could say that . . ."

Genis: "Well, it's nicer than comparing him to Dist, anyway."

Raine/Guy: " . . ."

--

Erm . . . might not be that great, but it was something I had stuck in my head. Please review!


	2. Distant Relations!

Hikaru: Possibly funnier than last time. I hope?

--

Sheena: "So your world is ours four thousand years later?"

Klarth: "It looks that way. Many landmasses and place names share similarities. For instance, Aselia is the name of the world, and the Sylvarantian capital is Iselia. Sylvarant and Tethe'alla are the names of the twin moons. The elfish villages are virtually identical. And let's not forget the ninja villages."

Lloyd: "Ugh, you sound just like the professor."

Klarth: "I suppose I could be her descendant, then."

Genis: "Nah, he looks more like Regal."

Jade: "Or he could be yours, Genis."

Raine: "Actually, he bears a slight resemblance to Kloitz . . ."

Lloyd: "You can't be serious . . ."

Cress: "What're you doing?"

Regal: "We're deciding who out of your party is which descendant of ours."

Cress: "Ohh, sounds fun! Who's my ancestor, then?"

Genis: "Lloyd."

Cress: "Hmm . . . are you sure?"

Klarth: "He's right, Cress. You and Lloyd have similar swordsmanship techniques, you both use the Eternal Sword, are Eternal Swordsmen, have similar moments when you understand nothing, and even look a little alike."

Ion: "Cress looks more like Kratos with blond hair, but shorter."

Sheena: "My descendant is a no-brainer."

Suzu: "Indeed."

Zelos: "Man, you're the descendant of my Mizuho hunny? That can't be right . . ."

Klarth: "Both are ninja of the Igaguri style and possess the same outfit. Suzu is only eleven, so resemblances are rather difficult to spot."

Jade: "Nonsense. Suzu is clearly descended from Sheena and Lloyd."

Lloyd/Sheena: "!!"

Jade: "I mean, look. Suzu has brunette hair and brown eyes, and has an unyielding will coupled with strength."

Cress: "Wow, Suzu and I are distantly related!"

Anise: "Then Cress's also descended from Regal."

Lloyd: " . . ."

Regal: "Indeed. Cress knows some of my techniques."

Lloyd: "But I didn't want to wake up so early to train with you!"

Regal: "Now, Lloyd, do you really want to disappoint your descendant like that by depriving him of useful techniques?"

Lloyd: " . . . whatever."

--

Hikaru: Funneh?


	3. Fresh Milk in the Catacombs!

Hikaru: I did this on my Phantasia file . . . haha. Funny, guaranteed or your money back!

--

Luke: "It sure was nice of you to let me go adventuring with you two."

Chester: "Well, we are in the catacombs."

Cress: "Yeah. We'll need another sword hand."

Luke: "Hold up, guys."

Chester: "What's up?"

Luke: "I found a bag. Aw, score! Fresh milk!"

Chester: "Uh . . . Luke . . ."

Luke: "I'll bet I can make that one tasty dish now!"

Cress: "I dunno . . ."

Chester: "No. Leave it."

Luke: "But it says 'fresh'!"

Chester: "We're in the catacombs."

Luke: "So what, mister obvious?"

Chester: "That milk can't be fresh. You found it in the _catacombs. _Catacombs are full of dead people, coffin mold, and corpse zombies._"_

Luke: "Just you wait! I'll make a tasty dish and then you can apologize!"

Cress: (whispering to Chester) "Let's go. I'll take being gut over dying of food poisoning."

Chester: "Right behind you."

Luke: "Sweet! I just found a pack of cheese in another bag!"

(Chester and Cress run away)

Luke: "Hey, where're you going?"

--

Thought of using Lloyd in this, but Luke seemed a better choice. 


	4. The Poster

Hikaru:I swear, I played Abyss three times through, and I JUST NOTICED THIS XD

--

Tear: . . .

Zelos: What's wrong, my gorgeous Auldrantian hunny?

Tear: . . . Luke.

Luke: Huh?

Zelos: . . . (annoyed at being ignored)

Tear: May I ask why you . . .

Luke??

Tear: Why do you have a poster of my brother . . . in your ROOM?

Luke: Oh, that . . . well, I uhm . . .err . . .

Asch: That's mine.

Luke/Tear/Zelos/Natalia: . . .

Asch: . . . WHAT?!

--

LMFAO


	5. Must Be The Hair

Hikaru: giggle

--

Lloyd: Hey Zelos . . .

Zelos: What?

Lloyd: Luke looks like you.

Zelos: . . . that brat? I don't think so . . .

Lloyd: No, seriously, when I first saw him, I thought he might've been distantly related to you, 'cuz he's filthy rich like you, has red hair like you, whines a lot--

Zelos: That'll do, Lloyd . . .

Jade: My, my, isn't it hard to admit the truth?

Zelos: . . . I said I'm NOT like Luke! By Martel, Jade, isn't it enough that you pick on me on Viva La Tales of?!

Anise: Boy, you sure get angry just like Luke.

Luke: At least I'm not a perverted womanizer!

Zelos: Oh, ouch, that hurts, Bud.

Lloyd: . . .

--

Hikaru: I couldn't think of a nickname for Luke that Zelos would say. Ehh . . .


	6. Not Your Typical Healer

Hikaru: You people might've thought . . . out of which so-and-so games, who's the better swordsman, mage, long/short range fighter, etc . . . but dost thou thought of this?

--

Zelos: So, Tear, you're the healer of the Abyss team?

Tear: Yes.

Natalia: I can serve as a backup healer in case Tear needs to replenish her energy.

Jade: Forgive me, Princess, but normally you use up your energy with your archery. I'm afraid once Tear cannot cast any longer, we're all doomed.

Natalia: . . .

Zelos: Anyway! You don't seem like a generic healer, Tear.

Tear: How do you mean?

Zelos: Well, in most other teams, a healer is a beautiful woman--hey, you're beautiful! Don't get mad, my Yulian hunny! But most other healers can't hold up in a fight without their teammates, as they only have support magic. But DAMN, Tear, you really can fight!

Anise: She is in the Oracle Knights. There's no knight that can't hold their own in a fight.

Genis: Hah, don't go counting Raine out, Zelos.

Zelos: Her Highness isn't the generic healer, either.

Lloyd: But the Professor needs us to protect her, Zelos.

Zelos: No, that's not it. The healer of the team is supposed to be hopelessly in love with the hero of the team, and Raine isn't . . .

Lloyd: Uh . . . I'd rather . . . pass on going out with my teacher, thanks.

Jade: Indeed. Student-teacher relationships often end up in hot water and gain disdain from the general public.

Genis: Raine, going out with Lloyd? That's just too weird . . .

Zelos: I wasn't talking about Lloyd . . .

--

Hikaru: I have another "healer" episode planned, so stay tuned!


	7. Of Swords, Keys, and Kuzus

Hikaru: The next "healer" episode isn't done yet, so cha. BTW, FYI, people, in case you didn't read it at my profile . . . I have only played Phantasia, Abyss, and Symphonia. I indeed am well aware of the countless other Tales games, but alas, I have not played them. I wanna play Legendia, though, although the last few times I went to buy it, stupid GameStop didn't have it . . . Sigh.

--

Guy: Jade, what are Lloyd and Luke arguing over?

Jade: Luke said that the Key of Lorelei was more powerful than the Eternal Sword.

Guy: Oh, that can't sit well with Lloyd.

Jade: Hmm, it seems a certain someone has decided to join the fight.

Guy: Oh, yeah, Cress uses the Eternal Sword, too. Ouch.

Sheena: Two Eternal Swords against one Key of Lorelei? I think we know who'll get his butt kicked.

Asch: Stupid dreck can't take care of himself . . .

Zelos: Dreck? What's that mean?

Asch: . . . Anata wa KUZU DESU YO!

Zelos: Jade, what did he say?

Suzu: Sheena and I have been teaching some people how to speak the Ninja language.

Sheena: He called you trash, Zelos.

Zelos: Hey, man, that's not cool.

Guy: Oh, wow.

Sheena: What happened?

Guy: Lloyd stole Cress' Eternal Sword . . . and is fighting Luke with both Swords . . .

Jade: My, this looks fun!

Guy/Suzu/Sheena/Zelos/Asch: . . .

--

MAJINIKEN!


	8. Even More Distant Relations!

Hikaru: Yay! Yesterday I bought a book and Tales of Legendia:Does the Oresoren Victory Dance:

--

Klarth: I still wonder . . .

Chester: What?

Klarth: Out of Lloyd's timeline, I still wonder who is your ancestor, and Arche's ancestor . . .

Sheena: Chester's ancestor is a no-brainer.

Norma: Yeah! Anyone can see that Chazzy is descended from Yuan-ti!

Chester: (. . . Chazzy . . .?) No way!

Yuan: ( . . . Yuan-ti . . .?) Indeed. The very notion is preposterous.

Tear: Norma, Yuan is not a snake!

Norma: You can't say he doesn't act like one! Just ask Lloyd's group!

Lloyd: . . . She's kinda right, Tear.

Tear: (Sigh . . .)

Klarth: Moving on! Lloyd, who do you think is Arche's ancestor?

Arche: I'll bet she's super cute, like me!

Klarth: What if your ancestor is a guy?

Arche: What kind of man has pink hair?

Klarth: . . .

Lloyd: Pink hair? Then that'll be Presea.

Presea: It is . . . interesting to meet my descendant.

Chester: That can't be. Presea is human, and Arche's mother, from whom she got her pink hair, is a pureblooded elf.

Raine: There may be an explanation for that.

Will: Yes. Since your timelines are in fact four thousand years apart . . .

Raine: Then Presea's descendants had plenty of time to become pureblooded elvish.

Lloyd: I don't quite understand that . . .

Jade: Allow me. Over the course of four thousand years, Presea's descendants could have married into elvish families successively so that their offspring, although carrying human blood, became more and more elvish as time passed, eventually resulting in pureblooded elves, like Arche's mother.

Regal: Indeed. Family trees are a wondrous thing.

Lloyd: I wonder how elves would react if they learned they were descended from humans?

Raine/Will: Ah, yes! A fascinating question!

Lloyd: Uh-oh!

Genis: Wow, Lloyd. Now you've got Raine and a natural historian interested.

Lloyd: How can you act so calm about this? Run away!

(exit Lloyd)

Jade: Isn't it wonderful that we can place our future on today's youth?

--

Hehe, Norma and her nicknames . . .


	9. The Wonderful World of Flavors

Hikaru: And now we've got Legendia officially joining Crossroads!

--

Senel: Hey, Lloyd.

Lloyd: Yeah?

Senel: On your journey . . . do people just pop at you out of inanimate objects?

Lloyd: As a matter of fact, yes.

Senel: Are they annoying little girls who teach you recipes?

Lloyd: No. In my journey, that's the mysterious gourmet, the Wonder Chef.

Senel: What sort of things did he teach you to make?

Lloyd: All sorts of things! Seafood Stew, Cabbage Roll, Steak, Tenderloin, Shortcake . . .

Senel: I see . . .

Lloyd: What did your Chef teach you?

Senel: I can make . . . Toast . . .

Lloyd: . . . that's it?

Senel: You got a problem with that?

Lloyd: N-no, I was just . . . surprised . . .

Luke: I can make Pizza.

Senel: Well, that was outta nowhere.

Jade: Although the probability of your cooking edible food is quite low.

Luke: . . . At least I can't screw up something like a Rice Ball!

Jade: Ah, what fond memories . . .

Raine: Even I can make Rice Balls.

Lloyd: I wouldn't be too sure of that, Professor . . .

Senel: Who's the best cook in your group, Lloyd?

Lloyd: Regal.

Genis: Hey!

Lloyd: I'm sorry, Genis, but it's true!

Genis: (Sigh) I suppose . . .

Lloyd: So who's your best cook, Jade?

Jade: Anise, hands down.

Genis: Really?

Jade: Oh, yes. The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, or so I've heard . . .

Anise: Oh, Colonel, stop!

Genis: She's Ion's Fon Master Guardian, right? Why would she need to cook?

Ion: Anise dreams of marrying rich.

Anise: Fon Master! Enough is enough!

Lloyd: Anyway . . . Senel, who's your best cook?

Senel: . . . Not cook, baker.

Lloyd: Baker?

Senel: After all, we're taught to bake bread, not to actually "cook."

Lloyd: Okay, so who's your best baker?

Senel: Can't tell so far. All we can make is Toast, and Toast with Jam.

Lloyd: Really . . .

Regal: I see a visit from the Wonder Chef would do your group some good, Senel.

Luke: Hey, where'd this bear statue come from?

Lloyd!! Don't—

(Luke touches statue)

Lloyd: . . . touch that.

Wonder Chef: I am the mysterious gourmet, the Wonder Chef!

Senel: Well, speak of the devil.

Wonder Chef: I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. The Wonder Bakers are fledgling Chef apprentices from the Wonderful World of Flavors. So their teaching Senel's group to bake bread isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Lloyd: Wonderful World . . .

Senel: Of Flavors . . .?

Wonder Chef: But since I am here, why not teach someone a new recipe!

Jade: Of a taste from your Wonderful World of Flavors, I would gladly partake.

Wonder Chef: Very well! Spicy, succulent, and pinnacle of one's work! I shall teach you the recipe for Kimchi.

(Jade acquired recipe for Kimchi)

Wonder Chef: Kimchi requires three ingredients: some kind of vegetable, Red Satay, and Rice.

(Jade received ingredients for Kimchi)

Wonder Chef: Farwell!

(exit Wonder Chef)

Jade: Now, I wonder who would partake of a taste of my Wonderful World of Flavors?

Luke: Not me!

--

Hehe. I heart the Wonder People.


	10. Zelos the Badass Healer

Hikaru: And now, without further adieu! The next healer episode!

--

Senel: Wow, Lloyd's group sure has a lot of healers.

Luke: Raine, Zelos, Kratos, and Regal . . . even though the other three are just backup healers, that's still a lot.

Cress: Our only healer is Mint . . .

Senel: And our only healer is Will . . .

Will: Is there a problem with that?

Senel: Well, it's just kinda hard to fight with only one healer . . . who knows only one spell.

Will: Well, excuse me for not picking up the appropriate eres scroll yet.

Senel: Whatever.

Luke: And all we have are Tear and Natalia . . .

Anise: Who can hardly serve as a backup healer.

Natalia: Oh, please, Anise! Not you, too.

Luke/Anise: (Sigh) But it's true . . .

Zelos: I see we're all having fun.

Senel: Hey, Zelos.

Zelos: What is it you're doing?

Senel: Discussing healers.

Luke: And how Lloyd's group unfairly has the most healers.

Zelos: Oh, I see! You're just jealous 'cuz we have the best healers!

Senel: No kidding.

Will: . . .

Luke: Well, Regal's spells depend on distance . . . so I'm not sure if he really counts.

Cress: And I'm pretty sure everyone can get along fine without your healing, Zelos.

Zelos: Is that a challenge?

Senel: Your spells take forever to learn, or so I heard from Lloyd.

Luke: Plus they're the same as Kratos' spells, and he learns them faster.

Zelos: Oh, come on! They don't call me the badass healer for nothing!

Senel: Badass . . . healer?

Luke: What HAVE you been drinking lately, Zelos?

Zelos: Water.

Senel: You're a terrible liar.

Zelos: I swear I'm not lying! All my hunnies really do call me the badass healer.

Luke: You're just a copycat, and you know it.

Zelos: No I'm not!

Cress: Your healing arts are Kratos' healing spells, after all.

Zelos: You guys are mean . . .

Luke: Guy, Cress, and I can all use Strike Artes that heal people. Do we count as healers?

Senel: . . . Not really.

Luke: Oh . . .

(Zelos obtained the title of "Copycat Healer"!)

--

Not exactly how I planned it, but . . . funneh?


	11. O Ye Foul Beastie!

Hikaru: Ladies and gentlemen, the Beasties!

--

Lloyd: Do we like animals?

Senel: What?

Lloyd: Look, I have Noishe, Sheena has Corrine, Luke has Mieu, and Moses has Giet. Plus the people in the Tales of the World have little furry animals stalking them.

Moses: Haha, that's true.

Anise: Anyone else notice how they're all unique?

Klarth: Noishe is a Protozoan, Mieu is a sacred beast of the Order of Lorelei, Giet is a grand galf (supposedly untamable) and Corrine is a manmade Spirit . . .

Moses: So Lloyd, how does yer proto-whatever help you out?

Lloyd: He's our noble steed.

Moses: . . . What?

Senel: Kratos told me about Protozoans. You have the last living specimen of a proud and ancient species, oldest on Aselia after the elves, and you ride him around?

Will: Indeed, such humiliation . . .

Lloyd: Sh-shut it! Arshis was used in place of warhorses during the Kharlan War, y'know, since they were a lot stronger than horses!

Raine: My, Lloyd, are you actually studying?

Lloyd: . . . No.

Moses: Does Noishe help you fend off other unsightly beasties?

Lloyd (meekly): . . . Noishe is frightened of monsters.

Moses: Ha! Are you kiddin' me? Now, me an' Giet--

Jay: Shut up, Moses. Giet doesn't help us fight anything.

Senel: Yeah. And he did fight for you when you fought us in the Bandit's Lair . . .

Chloe: And we kicked both your butts.

Kratos: Really, for a beast of supposedly unmatched power . . .

Anise: That's kinda disappointing.

Moses: . . .Giet, sic 'em.

Lloyd: Hey, now, can't we talk first?!


	12. Royal Suitors

Hikaru: Skit suggestion--mew up all the rich men, throw Anise in, and pop open a bag of chips and enjoy the show!

--

Zelos: Regal?

Regal: Yes?

Zelos: Why are we locked up in a cage dangling over a boiling lake of lava?

Regal: . . . We're both in a cage dangling ominously over a boiling lake of lava; that is the extent of my knowledge.

Zelos: And Luke's gone fetal position in the corner and muttering to himself.

Regal: Luke, know you where we are?

Luke: Prolly inside the volcano of Mt. Zaleho . . .

Zelos: Last thing I remember was being on a picnic with all my hunnies . . .

Regal: Yes. Grune, Norma, Shirley and Anise did insist on going on a picnic . . . in a place called the Man-Eating Ruins.

Luke: I can't believe it.

Zelos: What?

Luke: Anise made that food we ate.

Zelos: . . . and your point is?

Luke: ARGH! LOOK AT US! Zelos, you're the current Chosen One of Tethe'alla, and your inheritance is second only to the royal family! Regal, you're the president of the Lezareno Company of Tethe'alla, the leading company, AND you're a duke! And I'm a son of Duke Fabre and a secondary heir to the Kimlascan throne . . .

Zelos: We all know the three of us are members of high society, so what?

Regal: Ion did tell me that Anise had certain ambitions in regards to becoming a member of the upper class.

Luke: Exactly!

Zelos: Whoa, wait! So that brat . . .

Luke: Wants to marry into money, and we're her three suitors!

Zelos: Wow, I had no idea that my darling little doll was so . . .

Luke: Agressive?

Zelos: That's one way to put it.

Luke: Well, I'm sure Regal can bail us out, just like--

Zelos: Yeah! After all, Anise isn't any older than Alicia or Presea!

Regal: . . .

Luke: Zelos, you're an ass.


	13. Royal Suitors Part II

Hikaru: Part II!

--

Regal: Luke, if I may ask you something . . .

Zelos: Regal, this is no time for idle chit-chat!

Regal: Words are the only consolation for this horrible fate beset upon us.

Zelos: Right.

Luke: What is it?

Regal: Asch is also the son of Duke Fabre and therefore an heir to the Kimlascan throne, correct?

Luke: Yeah . . .

Regal: Then why is he spared from such a fate?

Luke: That is a good question!

Zelos: Why don'tcha use that handy communication thingy to get a hold of him?

Luke: I'll try . . .

(A few minutes later)

Regal: Any response?

Luke: . . . Asch said that since he and Natalia are already engaged, that makes him off-limits to Anise . . .

Zelos: And she just let him go?

Regal: Perchance he was an accomplice to Anise's ambition?

Luke: Hey, now that I think on it, Asch did make some of the stuff on the picnic!

Zelos: Does he really hate us that much?

Regal: Why he'd dislike me I don't know, but I can imagine why he would dislike you two.

Luke/Zelos: Not helping, Regal!


	14. More on the Beasties

Hikaru: More on the Beasties!

--

Moses: What's the point of Mieu?

Tear: He breathes fire, clears obstacles for us, and flies.

Sheena: Cheagle-tachi ga kawaii, desu ne?

Suzu: So desu ne; Mieu wa kawaii desu yo.

Zelos: There they go again . . .

Moses: Jay, yer a ninja! What're they saying?

Jay: They said you're stupid.

Moses: That ain't right!

Sheena: Jay . . . kimi wa joudan desu ne?

Jay: I don't see why I would be.

Moses: Okay, so what's the point of Corrine?

Sheena: Ah! Corrine actually does help us fight. He's a Spirit, and I'm his summoner.

Jade: He's more useful than Noishe.

Lloyd: And Noishe is more useful than Giet!

Moses: . . .

--

Translation of Japanese convo above:

Sheena: Cheagles are cute, aren't they?

Suzu: Yeah, Mieu is rather cute.

And Sheena says at the end:

Sheena: Jay . . . you're just joking, right?


	15. Summoner Shortage?

Hikaru: Sorry! I haven't updated in a while because I'm banned from the computer and playing games . . . cuz I suck at math and my grade is a D. Sigh . . .

--

Luke: _(is moody)_

Cress: What's up, Luke?

Luke: I'm jealous . . .

Lloyd: Of who and why?

Luke: Sheena and Klarth can summon the Spirits.

Cress: And?

Luke: So how come nobody from my team knows how to summon?

Senel: Hey, come to think of it, there weren't any Spirits in my game, either!

Lloyd: Wasn't Grune your summoner?

Senel: Apparently, our world was too "immature" for the Spirits to live in.

Jay: That would be Moses' fault.

Luke: I saw Lorelei . . . but only saw and heard him. And then he went back to the fon belt . . . no pact-making . . . no summoning . . .

Klarth: Not having Spirits doesn't make your team any less formidable.

Luke: Said the man who got the last hit on Dhaos with a summoning.

Klarth: . . . ahem.

Sheena: Sometimes you have to fight the Spirits to get them to agree to a pact. It's not easy.

Kratos: Not to mention most of the time you must clear the trials of the temple to get to the Spirit.

Senel: How tough are your puzzles?

Kratos: Fairly straightforward. Tethe'alla's seals are a little tougher to handle.

Senel: Puzzle Booths are straightforward, but they can mess with your head. One time I thought I would be stuck in a Booth forever!

Luke: Summoning Spirits still sounds pretty kickass.

Sheena: You'll probably only get bored with it, just like Lloyd.

Lloyd: You have no time to get bored during battle!


	16. Spelling Contest

Hikaru: I was thinking about this for a while.

--

Genis: _Get him! Gravity Well!_

_(random monster dies)_

Moses: What'cha doin', squirt?

Genis: Practicing magic.

Norma: Ooh! You got some pretty nice spells, Gene!

Genis: (Gene . . .?) Yeah, they're pretty cool.

Arche: Mine are better.

Genis: Oh yeah? _I call upon thee in the land of the dead . . ._

Arche: Oh, crap.

Genis: _. . . to unleash thy furious thunder! Indignation!_

_(Arche dodges)_

Norma: Wow! That Indignation looks better than yours, Teach!

Will: Oh . . .

Norma: Do more! Do more!

Genis: Okay. Hmm . . ._ (spots Zelos) Form a torrential vortex, and engulf the evil spirits . . . Tidal Wave!_

Zelos: What the crap's that for, you little brat!?

Shirley: You call that a tidal wave? _Great will of the ocean, verily if thou deemest me thy proxy, then let all hear thy marvelous voice! Tidal Wave! _

Genis: Aaugh! _May the merciless embrace of frost take thee . . . Absolute!_

Jade: Really, such a disgrace . . . _Rest in a merciless silver embrace . . . Absolute!_

Genis: Hey, guys! Stop picking on me! _(Sees Grune)_ Ah! Grune!

Zelos: Grune, Genis was being mean to me!

Grune: Oh, that's too bad. _O small child, wilst thou forget thy meager body and attain the heights of destruction for which thou hast so long yearned? Judgment!_

Genis: Zelos! You big jerk!

Kratos: Judgment indeed . . . _Sacred powers, cast thy purifying light upon these corrupt souls . . . rest in peace, sinners! Judgment!_

Arche: What about my spells?

Norma: Ooh, this is all so fun!

Moses: What have I done?


	17. Luke the Optimist

Hikaru: Skit skit skit!

--

Luke: Jade, you're the best fonist in our team, right?

Jade: One would argue as much. Why do you ask?

Luke: Do you think you could make a pact with one of Auldrant's Spirits?

Jade: While the sentiences are in fact like to the other Spirits in that they manifest in areas where their element is most prominent, I'm afraid they haven't had enough human contact since the Dawn Age for pacts of any sort.

Luke: But Yulia made a pact with Lorelei!

Jade: The origins of that pact and what it entailed are shrouded in mystery. It's not even clear whether Yulia intended to use Lorelei to do battle or otherwise.

Luke: Grr . . .

Klarth: Face it, Luke. Auldrant has no Spirits for anyone to summon.

Luke: You studied the art of summoning.

Klarth: And?

Luke: Only one of your Spirits was acquired in a temple. The rest were free of any enshrinement.

Klarth: I am not going to Auldrant to find your Spirits.

Luke: Oh, come on you cheapskate!

Sheena: Besides, you'd need a pact ring to make the pact. The ring has to be of elvish and dwarven make, and the gems need to represent each Spirit.

Luke: Arche, Raine, and Genis are half-elves. And Lloyd's foster father is a dwarf.

Klarth: By Martel, Luke! Just give it up already!

Sheena: What about the ore? You need a certain type of ore to forge the rings.

Jade: And the rich ore deposits at Akzeriuth were destroyed along with the city.

Luke: The Meggioran Highlands weren't mined much, and there are deposits of ore in Aselia and perhaps even on the Legacy. The Tower of Rem used to be a mining town. And don't forget weapons forged of Akzeriuth ore can be melted down.

Jade: If you do happen to succeed in this venture for the pact rings, I would gladly take part in the search of Auldrant's Spirits.

Sheena: Argh! You already have Jade's spells, Tear's hymns, and your own hyperresonance! Why would you need Spirits?

Luke: Or . . . if we can reach Sylvarant and Tethe'alla, we can borrow your Spirits.

Klarth: Enshrinement of the Spirits is starting to sound like a fabulous idea.

Sheena: Let's have Genis and Raine make all the puzzles and traps . . .


	18. The Deity of the Nameless World

Hikaru: I understand Will is a naturalist, but I think this kind of topic would interest him, no?

--

Genis: Hey, guys. What kind of deities do you have in your worlds? We have Martel, although that sort of proved false.

Senel: The Ferines have Nerifes, the will of the sea.

Klarth: Most Aselians in my time worship multiple gods, one of which is your same Martel, Genis.

Luke: Auldrant follows the Score and the Order of Lorelei.

Genis: If Lorelei's one of the sentiences, why are the others ignored?

Will: That is a good question. Perhaps Auldrantians believe Lorelei has the most influence on their lives, being the embodiment of the Seventh Fonon and therefore the Score.

Klarth: In actuality, Lorelei and its fonons probably have the least impact on Auldrant once the Planet Storm's gone. Without equilibrium between the amounts of the First through Sixth Fonons, the world would change dramatically.

Genis: Yeah. Too much Fourth Fonons would make the world colder, too little Sixth would make it darker . . .

Luke: Hey, Senel.

Senel: Hmm?

Luke: We know the deity of the Ferines. How about the main religion on the mainland of your nameless world?

Senel: _(blinks) _Come to think of it . . . I dunno.

Genis: Yeah. There's the Holy Alliance, the Holy Kingdom of Gadoria, and the Holy Empire of Rexalia . . . but no one knows what their deities are.

Jade: That's no good. Someone must establish the mainland's religion soon.

Luke: Why?

Jade: A certain obsessive fontech freak might aspire to take over a world . . .

Luke: Oh, come on, Jade, Guy would never do something like that!

Jade: . . . _(adjusts glasses, smiles)_

Genis: Now that's just mean.


	19. Arche's Revenge

Hikaru: Arche, Norma, Raine, and Tear need to get in on the fun . . . haha.

--

Arche: _(floats above Genis) Black Hole!_

Genis:_ (looks up)_ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Norma: Oooh, more crystal eres!? Yay! _Lightless tempest from distant regions, stretch out thy tenerous arms and lead my enemies unto their eternal slumber!_

Genis: Run away! Mages gone crazy!

Norma: Oh no you don't! _Black Hole!_

_(Genis is sucked into the black hole)_

Raine: Ah! Did you just suck my brother into another dimension!?

Norma: Oops . . . Uhm . . . No?

Raine: _Light . . . Holy Lance!_

_(Norma screams and barely dodges the lances)_

Tear!? Raine, what are you doing?

Raine: She sent my little brother into another dimension!

Tear: Is that right? _Thou who wouldst take revenge, carve here thy holy seal!_

Norma: Oh no! Arche, help me!!

Arche: Uhm . . .

Tear: _Eclair de Larmes!_

Arche: _Maelstrom!_

Norma: _Celestial traveler, I call upon thee to lead my enemies to their final rest under heaven's menacing glare! Meteor Storm! _

Raine: You impudent little . . .!

_(meanwhile, in a secondhand set of dimensions, in an astral plane that was never meant to fly)_

Genis: A world in the shape of a disc . . . on the backs of four giant elephants, who are, in turn, standing on the back of a giant space-going sea turtle . . . Sigh.


	20. The Radiant, the Angels

Hikaru: When I first saw Shirley, I could imagine her and Colette swtiching places and nobody would notice . . . except their names. Haha.

--

Lloyd: Hmm . . .

Zelos: 'Sup, Lloyd?

Lloyd: The Radiant look an awful lot like angels.

Zelos: Now that you mention it . . .

Senel: Yeah. I wonder if the Ferines are a sister species of the angels.

Will: Given the information about angels I received from Kratos, that can't be possible.

Senel: Why not? Shirley and Colette could be sisters.

Lloyd: They both have wings of pure visible energy, have supernatural power, and have important roles as angel and Merines.

Will: The Ferines were a naturally occuring species, so far as we can tell. Humans and half-elves became angels by using Cruxis Crystals, an evolved form of Exspheres. In other words, angels branched off not of a genetic mutation or isolation but from simple invention.

Senel: Zelos, I don't like you.

Zelos: . . . What? Why?

Lloyd:_ (whispering) _Your wings are orange. Reminds him of Stella.

Zelos:_ (whispering) _Was that dead chick really that hot?

Senel: . . . I can hear you, y'know.

Lloyd: And Kratos has blue wings, just like Shirley!! Haha . . . ha.

Senel: I do believe a demonstration of my throwing eres is in order . . .

Lloyd: Will, help us?

Will: . . . or the Ferines could possibly be a sister branch of angels; angels did live in outer space, after all, and even if the Radiant claim not to have come from another world, a group of angels might've come upon their planet, devised a way to keep their crystals inside their bodies to continue the angel species, and thus evolve into Radiant; it would explain their natural powers, although how they came to adapt to living underwater and the arise of Nerifes certainly is a mystery . . .

Lloyd: . . .

Zelos: That guy's off his rocker.

Senel: _Demon Fist!_

_(Lloyd and Zelos scream)_

--

Note: Senel has to knock 'em down first before he can throw them... Haha. Go Senel!


	21. Are They Related?

Hikaru: Skit suggestion by GoldenTalesGeek!

--

Will: . . . or, if the Giant Kharlan Tree really did come from Derris-Kharlan, the migrating angels could've taken a Seed of the Giant Tree with them, but came to a planet filled with nothing but water. When they tried to plant the Great Seed, the dormant life energy of the planet, inherently called mana, interacted with the power of the Great Seed in such a way that the being we know as Nerifes came into being . . .

Cress: Is he still going on?

Lloyd: _(chortle)_

Cress: . . . what's up?

Lloyd: I just noticed something. Whenever I hear Will talk, his voice sounds like Kratos'. And a happy sounding Kratos' voice is just plain weird.

Cress: Hmm . . . I guess it does.

Will: . . . the angels likely thought they were doomed, but then conscious from the swell of life energy, it chose a single angel to bestow power upon--I beg your pardon, Lloyd?

Lloyd: Hey, Will, talk like you're angry, or indifferent.

Will: Why would I--

_(Cress tips over a priceless artifact from the era of the Kingdom of Teresis)_

Will: Cress, what the hell are you doing!? _Thunder Blade!_

Lloyd: Haha, he really does sound like Kratos! And he even has some of the same spells!

Cress: _(failed to dodge spell) _L-Lloyd . . . that was funny . . . but you owe me one.

Lloyd: I never asked you to do that.

Cress: Erm . . .

Kratos: What's going on?

Will: Cress knocked over a priceless relic of an ancient kingdom of which little is known.

Kratos: . . .

Will: What is it?

Kratos: I've just gotten the odd sense that you could be the child of Raine and myself . . .

Lloyd: Yay! I have an older brother! Wait . . .

Cress: And Kratos is a grandfather! And you have a niece, Lloyd!

Will: Nobody is to speak of this again.

Kratos: Agreed.


	22. Spirit Study Field Trip

Hikaru: Skit suggestion by Nayru!

--

Luke: Raine, can I ask you a favor?

Raine: What is it, Luke?

Luke: Since our worlds are all similar enough, I wanna know if, when, and how Spirits might appear in Auldrant.

Raine: Still determined on that pact making, I see. Well, let me just get a few assistants and we'll be off.

Luke: Where?

Raine: In order to answer your question, we'll have to study the occurrence of Spirits, how they were enshrined, how to approach a Spirit, enshrined or not, and perhaps even the pact rings themselves.

Luke: Great! So who're you bringing?

Raine: Will and Guy would make excellent assistants. It would be more productive to bring people who specialize in different areas, especially since the temples incorporate many different areas of technology to enshrine a Spirit.

Luke: _(whispering)_ Oh boy . . .

--

_(In the Temple of Lightning, Tethe'alla)_

Raine: Fantastic! The temple itself is electrically charged, to allow for the Spirit of Lightning to live here almost indefinitely!

Guy: Wow! The tower at the top of the temple is open to allow sunlight through, and the walls themselves act as solar panels to draw in energy from sunlight!

Will: Many of the monsters here take on attributes of the Spirit here, mostly likely as a result of Volt's influence. Or perhaps it is because these creatures here have these attributes that Volt can manifest here . . .

Luke: You guys done yet?

Raine: --it's no wonder this temple was the one with many intricate traps and deadly monsters; Volt is too powerful to let any one person acquire it so easily—

Guy: --most of Volt's electrical power is sent throughout the temple to provide power and is stored in an auxiliary generator in the event of Volt leaving here entirely due to many possibilities so that with that generator, enough electrical power here might draw Volt back—

Will: --the monsters themselves are electrically charged; since most of them, Volt included, need a constant state of charge to defend against enemies, it is most likely that the charge is alternating current, for a direct current would sap their charge even if it is more deadly—

Luke: Sigh . . .

Lloyd: Regretting your choice?

Luke: It'll be worth it. There's no use swearing vows you don't intend to keep.

Lloyd: That's a good one! That'll be Dwarven Vow # 1235!

Luke: . . .

--

Hikaru: I don't think it's as funny as previous installations, but there it is! Part II pending.


	23. Shut Up!

Hikaru: Got this idea from watching a frickin' hilarious video on you tube—tales of the abyss random XP. Yeah. GO WATCH IT. NOW. Well . . . after this!

--

Chloe: I never noticed how often Luke and Asch yell "shut up" to people.

Cress: _(eating ramen)_ How often?

Chloe: Seems like every other second on this footage of them.

Cress: Really? _(Watches said footage)_

_(On footage)_

Luke: Shut up!

Asch: Shut up!

Luke: Shut up already!

Asch: --so shut up!

Luke: Gah, shut up for a second!

Asch: SHUT UP.

Luke: Shut up and drown!

Mieu: But Master, I can't swim!

_(End footage)_

Cress: Wow . . . looks like those two need some anger management.

Chloe: Indeed.

Asch: I don't need any anger management! It's that stupid dreck—

Luke: I'm not stupid! I didn't get myself killed, so shut up!

Asch: You stupid bastard, shut up!

Luke: Shut up already! Stop cursing in what's SUPPOSED to be a K+ rated fic!

Asch: I'll curse wherever I like so shut up!

Luke: Who got his ass kicked twice over by a "stupid dreck?" Tell me that, then I'll shut up!

Asch: . . .

Luke: And there we have it—

Asch: Shut up.

Luke: Grr . . .

Cress: _(Continues eating ramen)_

Chloe: Sigh . . . nope, none of you need anger management indeed . . .

--

Hikaru: SHUT UP :P


	24. Have You Lost Your Marbles!

Hikaru: I had this idea loitering in my head for a long while now . . . haha.

--

Five Desian Grand Cardinals: Glory for the coming Age of Half-Elves! Glory for Lord Yggdrasill!

Asch: "Age of Half-Elves?" What the crap is that?

Forcystus: Lord Yggdrasill is going to stop worldwide discrimination against half-elves by using Exspheres to turn EVERYONE into angels and revive his sister Lady Martel. _(is happy)_

Asch: Oh Lorelei . . .

Five of Six God-Generals: Glory for a world without the Score! Glory for Vandesdelca!

Asch: Not them, too . . .

Magnius: What is the "Score?" Did your boss score a goal?

Legretta: The Score is the prophecy foretold by Yulia Jue, and Yulia's Score is never wrong. Her Score foretells the final destruction of the world and mankind. Van is aiming to stop that.

Kvar: Going against fate? Isn't that funny, Kratos?

Kratos: How so?

_(Kvar replays a battle victory)_

Kratos: You cannot oppose fate!

_(End recording)_

Kratos: Hmm . . .

Yuan: How is Van going to stop this Score of Final Judgment? It sounds good for Auldrant.

Asch: _(miffed) _And so is replacing the world with a replicated one with replicated people, I suppose.

Yuan: Wow. Sounds like Van has a few screws loose.

Asch: Just like Yggdrasill.

Lloyd: And just like you, Yuan!

Yuan: . . . what?

Lloyd: _(imitating Yuan) _Hahah! Kill Kratos! Save Martel!

Kratos: Ahem . . .

Yuan: . . .


	25. Villain Convention

Hikaru: I wondered about this for a while.

--

Van: Legretta the Quick, Sync the Tempest, Largo the Black Lion, Arietta the Wild, Dist the Reaper--

Dist: ROSE, dammit!

Van: --and Asch the Bloody. All right, everyone's here. What about you, Yggdrasill?

Yggdrasill: Pronyma, Forcystus, Magnius, Rodyle, and Kvar. Yes.

Van: In light of the heroes getting all the spotlight--

Yggdrasill: Wait, Van. We have to wait for Dhaos and the Merines and her entourage.

_(Said individuals enter)_

Dhaos: What's this about, Yggdrasill? I have matters to attend to.

Merines: Respect the will of Nerifes! Kill all Orerines!

Maurits: Yes! Return the planet to its true and original form!

Walter: Protect the Merines!

Yggdrasill: Interesting lot . . .

Van: Ahem, like I was saying, in light of the heroes getting all the spotlight, we the villains must--

_(Enter Vaclav and the Terrors)_

Vaclav: You were holding a villain convention and didn't tell me!?

Melanie: How rude.

Stingle: I'm not truly a villain . . .

Cashel: Whoot for the Terrors!

Van: Ahem, ignoring these convention crashers--

_(Enter heroes)_

Senel: Shirley! You're not a villain! Come back!

Lloyd: Yggdrasill, stop! Martel is already dead!

Luke: Van, you're crazy! I will stop you!

Cress: Dhaos is going down!

All Villains: . . .

Yggdrasill: Well, so much for our first villain convention.

Van: Sigh . . .


	26. Fresh Blood

Hikaru: Skit request from Sakura Irving! I do hope it's all right . . .

--

Jade: Oh, my, there's Luke now, leaving his drink unattended . . . perhaps this is an opportune moment to test my medicines . . .

Grune: Hello, Jade.

Jade: (Curses, foiled again!) Well, well. Hello, Grune.

Grune: Isn't it a lovely day?

Jade: I suppose it's just as bright and sunny as any other day without cloud cover . . .

Grune: Would you like to join me on a picnic?

Jade: And where do you plan on holding this, ah, picnic?

Grune: The Man-Eating Ruins.

Jade: Ah, indeed . . .

Grune: Or maybe the Quiet Lands. I think I've been there before.

Jade: _(inching toward Luke's still unattended drink) _Have you now?

Grune: Or maybe not. It's more fun to visit places for the first time!

Jade: I'll bet it is.

_(Enter Luke)_

Luke: Hey, Jade! Thanks for watching my drink!

Jade: Ah.

Grune: What do you like to eat, Jade?

Jade: Yes, I'm glad you asked, Grune. Since the royal pair's cooking has me with an increasing dislike of most foods . . . _(glances at Luke)_

Luke: _(drinks, observing conversation)_

Jade: I have taken to drinking fresh human blood to keep up my strength.

Grune: Wonderful! So you'll go on the picnic?

Jade: _(staring at Luke) _Oh, yes, indeed I shall. It will be my _honor. (smiles)_

Luke:_ (stops drinking) _Jade . . . you're just joking . . . right?

Jade: _(smiles toothily)_

Luke: . . .

--

Hikaru: Okay, so it's not comparing Jade and Grune! Not exactly . . . But I hope you like it!


	27. Kvar's Midlife Crisis

Hikaru: Haha.

--

Kvar: For Lord Yggdrasill, and for the sake of my own success, _I need that Exsphere! _Damn you, Lloyd Irving!

Lloyd: Why do you need it so badly?

Kvar: Because that is the result of years of time-consuming research.

Lloyd: To evolve an Exsphere into a Cruxis Crystal, right?

Kvar: Yes! The result of many broken backs and my lack of sleep!

Lloyd: But why are you just now figuring out how to make Cruxis Crystals? And why does Yggdrasill need it?

Kvar: You'd work endlessly and tirelessly, too, if you had a crazy psychotic disco-wannabe barking orders at you all day! Why do you ask?

Lloyd: Because I thought, he must already have some way to mass-produce Cruxis Crystals, because, y'know, he kinda has a whole planet full of angels. And it can't be for Martel, since she already has a Cruxis Crystal . . . so what's the point?

Kvar: By Martel, it's true!

_(Later, at the local Welgaian bar)_

Kvar: _(downing shot after shot) _And I had to KILL HER, TOO. Mutated MONSTER BLOOD ALL OVER my lovely leather chair . . . the ONLY luxury that _(hic) _badword Pronyma would let me have! All for one extra bloody Cruxis Crystal that Yggdrasill could get at any time!

Asch: See why I left my evil organization?

Kvar: _(hic) _Yes indeed I do, sir Asch, but you didn't have YOUR childhood ruined by Yggdrasill!

Asch: MY childhood was ruined by Van and the Score!

Kvar: Oh, yes, I'd LOVE to hear your life story . . . _(drinks) _But I'M the one getting drunk, so YOU listen to MY life story!

Asch: Sigh . . .

Kvar: So, like I was saying, when I was a youngling, playing at the beach every summer with what little friends I had, Yggdrasill HAD to come and raise me to be an evildoer--

Asch: Shut up.

Kvar: YOU didn't spend FIVE HUNDRED years researching for an object that only serves to forward the personal history and plot of a bloody MAIN CHARACTER!! _(sob)_

Asch: . . . Look, if it makes you feel any better as an evil and sadistic villain, at least you got to terrorize and kill a bunch of innocent people . . . including the mother of the main character. You got to tear his family apart, and the best bit is--

Kvar: _(sob) _Thanks for your attempt at comforting me, Asch . . .

Asch: Oh, for the love of Yulia . . .

Lloyd: A-Asch _(about to cry) _. . . Do you really mean all that? (sniff)

Asch: No, Lloyd, I'm just trying to make this stupid drunken git feel better . . .

Lloyd: Wahhh!

_(Exit Lloyd)_

Asch: Some main character . . .

_(Enter Kratos)_

Kratos: What's this I hear about someone bragging how they tore my family life and Lloyd's life apart? _(brandishes sword)_

Asch: Yeah, can I get a scotch, on the rocks?

Guy: You're not of drinking age, Asch.

Asch: . . . Guy!? Oh, jeez . . . Lorelei help me . . .

--

Hikaru: I haven't gotten Guy's bartender costume yet, but boy do I want it. :P Please review!


	28. Character Death

Hikaru: I don't know . . . eh.

--

Cress: Sigh.

Lloyd: What's up, Cress?

Cress: I was just thinking about Morrison.

Lloyd: Which one?

Cress: The one that died in Midgards . . .

Zelos: I have to say, though, that was a pretty lame death. I didn't even know he died!

Senel: Like you had a spectacular death, Zelos.

Zelos: All the hunnies loved me more after that!

Anise and Luke: Ion! _(sob)_

Shirley: Ion's death did make me feel sad . . .

Luke: He was my dear friend . . . and he even saved Tear!

Anise: Ion . . .

Senel: Oh no, _please _don't get emotional on me . . .

Grune: I died a happy death.

Senel: . . . emo feeling's gone.

Zelos: My death made Sheena cry and Seles realize she doesn't hate me! Plus all my other darling hunnies loved me more for my angel powers, deep mind, angst, and my lovely lovely orange wings!

Senel: . . . Stella . . .

Kratos: I see you kneeling at her grave sometimes.

Senel: Just like you do at Anna's grave.

Asch: Hey, what about me? I died, too, y'know!

Anise: Everyone was annoyed that you died such a lame death.

Asch: . . . getting stabbed thrice through the torso is lame?

Botta: I drowned . . . _(sob)_

Five Desian Grand Cardinals/Four of Six God Generals: We were murdered by the heroes!

Terrors minus Stingle and Vaclav: No one cared about us . . .

Yggdrasill: I mutated into a hideous monstrous form before I died.

Dhaos: I died wearing spandex . . . sigh.

Van: I died crazy! Muwhahahahhahaha!

--

Hikaru: Yep, yep, yep. Hooray for character death!


	29. Father's Day

Hikaru: Few days early, but Father's Day! How could I not do this?

--

Lloyd: Aw, man!

Cress: What's the matter?

Lloyd: Father's Day is coming up soon! I know what to get for Dad, but I dunno what to get for Kratos!

Cress: How about rebuilding a town and naming it after him?

Lloyd: . . .

Luke: My dad's filthy rich. He married into the royal family! What can I get for him?

Asch: Our father never was one you can easily shop for.

Guy: How about a suicide booth?

Luke/Asch: . . .

Senel: I . . . don't have a dad. _(sad)_

Shirley: I dunno what happened to mine. But, since Maurits did raise me, Stella, and the other Ferines . . . I guess I can get him something. Maybe a new staff! I know! A staff from Nerifes! _(happy)_

Vaclav: Hey, Senel, I raised you in my army! Don't I count for a foster father?

Senel: All you did was provide some cheesy Star Wars reference.

Vaclav: Come to the Dark Side!

Senel: I'd rather jump off a cliff.

Sheena: I don't have a dad, but I have a grandpa! Maybe I can get him a dwarven forged magic sword! He'll like that!

Klarth: My dad died . . . but I just might be a dad soon!

Cress: Is Mirald pregnant?!

Klarth: . . . No. But I have a descendant! Remember Fulein from Summoner's Lineage?

The Morrisons: We all like spell books! Whoot!

--

Hikaru: I'll make another skit about Luke's familial issues . . . haha.


	30. Familial Issues

Hikaru: And now, the Family Issues!

--

Luke: Hey, Asch.

Asch: What?_ (drinking)_

Luke: I was thinking . . . since I am your replica and all . . .

Asch: Uh huh? _(only paying half attention)_

Luke: Wouldn't that make you my mommy?

Asch: _(SPEW) _Wh-what the hell are you talking about, dreck?!

Luke: I'm your replica. Van needed your genetic material to make me, and the fomicry machine was the one that actually made me.

Asch: _(wipes mouth) _Then wouldn't that make the machine your mother, and I your father?

Van: Then what am I? The next door neighbor?

Luke: Hmm, maybe an uncle.

Solon: Jay, I am your father!

Jay: Shut up. You were an abusive, homocidal ninja person who only raised me to be a tool.

Solon: _(sad) _Doesn't anyone care? Doesn't anyone love me?

Jay: No.

Yuan: I'll never get to be a father . . . _(sad)_

Raine: My father is dead, and my mother mentally ill . . . sigh.

Lloyd: My dad's a dwarf!_ (happy)_

Kratos: . . .

Lloyd: . . . and an angel!

Kratos: _(smile)_

--

Hikaru: Oh yeah, and the Legendian Star Wars reference is in the opening movie, when Senel and Vaclav fight . . . I mean, their hands glow blue and red . . . doesn't that ring a bell?


	31. What Not to Wear?

Hikaru: There was a thread on the Tales Namco forums about the characters' outfits . . . cha.

--

Lloyd: Cress, isn't that armor heavy?

Cress: Kinda, but I'm not wearing a full set of armor . . .

Lloyd: I could never wear heavy armor like that. That's why I stick with light armor, so I can move faster.

Luke: But why are you wearing spandex with that?

Cress: . . . it's not spandex. By the way, Luke, it's not exactly smart to leave your midsection exposed during battle.

Luke: What's the matter with it? Regal does the same thing.

Lloyd: Oh, yeah, huh . . .

Senel: So are your abs so hard they act as armor by itself?

Luke: At least I don't wear a skirt!

Senel: _(blushes) _It is NOT a skirt!

Lloyd: I dunno, Senel, looks like one to me.

Cress: Does it go _fwoosh?_

Senel: No!

Cress: Then it's not a skirt.

Lloyd: By the way, Kratos . . .

Kratos: Hmm?

Lloyd: Why did you wear purple clothes when you came to Sylvarant?

Kratos: Because I prefer it. Why?

Lloyd: Because I remember that Professor said that only the Balacruf royalty wore purple and dark blue, because it was so hard to make when they had no modern machinery to make it easier . . .

Cress: And Sylvarant was a primitive world, what with the Desians and everything.

Kratos: _(slaps forehead with palm) _Augh . . . is that why Raine was suspicious of me before?

Luke: You posed as a mercenary, right? You should've just said that you made so much money from your last job that you could afford to wear purple in stuff you charge into battle with!

Kratos: You're not helping, Luke.

--

Hikaru: Seriously though, Kratos must've been filthly rich by Sylvarantian standards to wear all purple as something that can get so ruined with bloodstains, rips, etc. And I like Senel's skirt thing. I didn't mind Cress's body suit thing under his armor, but some people asked me if it was spandex. Haha. I also love Luke's outfit; I just think he needs a whole T-shirt, not half of one. Regal I don't really mind. I mean, the poor guy must have trouble changing his clothes!


	32. Learn From the Ladies' Man

Hikaru: This skit was inspired greatly by a fanart of Abyss characters meeting others . . . Luke and Cress, Tear and Shirley, Jade and Philia, and Guy was with Zelos . . . I don't remember who Natalia and Anise were with.

--

Zelos: Okay, Guy, I'm gonna teach you how to snag a babe.

Guy: N-no, I don't think that's quite neccessary, Zelos.

Zelos: Don't be shy! Just follow my lead.

_(Enter Legendia team battling)_

Zelos: Okay, right now Senel and the other guys are taking a break, so the ladies are having a go at fighting . . . see anyone you like?

Guy: _(Shudders) _They're just frightening right now ... I mean, look at Shirley's Tidal Wave, Chloe's iron eres, Norma's Ancient Nova and all of Grune's crystal eres ...

Zelos: Norma's a little perky, Chloe reminds of me of Sheena or Tear (just less demonic), Shirley is like Colette, and Grune's a new kind of woman completely in my eyes.

Guy: Zelos, why are we getting so close?

_(Legendia team wins!)_

Chloe: Whew, that was rough. I'm gonna go take a shower now.

_(Exit Chloe)_

Zelos: Aw, the lady swordsman gone ... Too bad her body suit was a dark color ... _(smiles)_

Grune: A shower does sound lovely. I guess I'll have to wait for Chloe to finish.

Zelos: Ah-HA! Guy, now's your chance! Go! _(Pushes Guy toward Grune)_

Guy: What?! Augh!

Grune: Oh, hello, Guy.

Guy: _(Shivering) _H-hello, Grune. (Don't make her mad, don't make her go Judgment on you ...)

Grune: Isn't your full name that of a flower? I like flowers.

Guy: _(Struggles to smile) _Gaillardia, yes. I'm told it was my sister's idea.

Zelos: _(Whispering) _Enough about you! What about her? Her eyes, her hair, her personality ... pick a feature!

Guy: Uh, Grune ...

Grune: Yes?

Guy: Wh-why do you wear that dress during battle? Isn't it kinda inconvenient?

Zelos: _(slaps forehead with palm)_

Grune: Oh, I always thought it was best to be comfortable ...

--

Hikaru: Oh, my. XP


	33. Swimsuit Talk

Hikaru: Uhm, What Not to Wear: Summer Edition?

--

Cress: Ugh, it's _hot._

Lloyd: Why did you come to the beach wearing dark colors and armor?

Cress: Unlike you and your 3D programming, I wasn't given a swimsuit.

Senel: Ha! I don't need a swimsuit. I'm perfectly at home with what I'm wearing now!

Luke: Lloyd, did you ever feel you were ... forced to wear your swimsuit in really, really unlikely places?

Lloyd: As a matter of fact ... yes!

Luke: I remember something made me wear my suit in Keterburg ... _Keterburg!_

Lloyd: Yeah, me, too, in Flanoir.

Cress: Haha, I'll bet you guys looked even more ridiculous than you do on the beach!

Luke: I stood out like a sore thumb. And Natalia wouldn't stop scolding me.

Lloyd:_ (shrugs)_ At least you didn't have to travel with Zelos when that happened.

Luke: Why?

Lloyd: _(whispering) _Because Zelos wears a ... _speedo._

Cress/Luke: ...

Zelos: Whoo! Let's trot out the ladies! _(whistles)_

Kratos: I am so glad I was spared such humiliation.

Jade: Oh, come now, Kratos, must you be such a poor sport? _(grin)_

Kratos: ... Get away from me.


	34. Swimsuits: Girl Talk

Hikaru: And now the girls discuss swimsuits!

--

Chloe: _(groan) _I wish our developers had the humor to give us swimsuits ...

Colette: Well, you guys do have a kind of costume we don't have.

Tear: And what's that?

Norma: Mascots! I'm a bear, I think C is too, G-Girl's a koala, and Shirl's a bunny! _(music note)_

Tear: _(blushes) _Oh, how cute ...

Natalia: Swimsuits are nice to have, though. You could enjoy a nice swim. But don't let Emperor Peony give you one.

Shirley: Well, I'm a Ferines, so to me it doesn't really matter much.

Raine: I can't imagine why anyone would want to swim!

Genis: Then don't ever visit the Legacy.

Raine: Oh, but think of all the discoveries I could make with such a magnificent ancient relic!

Genis: Sigh ...

Raine: ... By the way, Genis, how did you escape that other dimension Norma put you in?

Genis: You don't wanna know.

Sheena: We should all go to the beach sometime. Yes, including you, Raine.

Raine: Uh ...

Chloe: W-well, it's not like I wanted to go swimming or anything anyway, so power to the developers for not giving us suits!

Norma: You're no fun, C. I'll bet if you put on the right suit, Senny's sure to notice you right away!

Chloe: No thank you!

Anise: You know what'd be scary?

Chloe: What?

Anise: Van, Dist, Asch, Solon, Vaclav, Yggdrasill, and Magnius ... all wearing swimsuits.

Natalia: Oh my!

Chloe: ... ! Thank you for the lovely mental image.

Colette: Oh ... that is scary, isn't it?

Norma: Ohhh!


	35. Anticlimatic?

Hikaru: Uhm ... kinda sorta loophole?

--

Klarth: I've noticed something, Vande-whatever your full name is.

Van: _(annoyed) _What is it, summoner?

Klarth: How were you still alive after the Absorption Gate?

Van: ... I merged with Lorelei. Surely you've heard this from the Abyss Team.

Klarth: Well, yeah, but ... you used the passage rings, correct?

Van: That's right.

Jade: Quite problematic, that was. Ruining all our hard work like that ... do you have a superiority complex to mirror Luke's inferiority complex?

Van: Ignore the Necromancer.

Klarth: Well, Tear used them, too. And she absorbed Seventh Fonons contaminated with miasma.

Van: As did I. Mystearica came to me in Orition Cavern worried about my health, as I had about hers.

Norma: Ooh! How touching! An older brother worried about his beloved sister ... _(music note)_

Senel: My ears are starting to hurt ...

Klarth: Ahem! And you, Van, had fallen into the core, where the miasma originated, and where you absorbed Lorelei, whose fonons--the fonons of a sentience--were surely contaminated as well.

Van: ... Make your point.

Klarth: I already have. Jade knows what I'm talking about.

Jade: Maybe, maybe not. _(shrugs) _It would have been anticlimatic if Van had died from all that miasma, instead of us killing him, as proper hero vs. villain ettiquette dictates.

Luke: That's ... ettiquette?!

--

Hikaru: Seriously, Jade and them made a big point about how HUGE a sentience is ... so why indeed hadn't Van died from all the poison inside him? And he fell into the core, where the most miasma would be ...


	36. Locations of Manifestation

Hikaru: And Luke's quest for Auldrantian summoning pacts continues!

--

Luke: Okay, Raine, have you and Jade decided where the Spirits might manifest?

Raine: It's fairly common sense ... if like fonons attract, then you would have to choose a spot where many of those fonons had gathered ...

Jade: Precisely. Now, Luke, Tear taught you enough about fonology. Why don't you tell us where each Spirit might appear?

Luke: Uhm, okay ... Efreet, the Spirit of the Fifth Fonon, would probably reside in the volcano near Daath.

Raine: Like I said, common sense.

Luke: Next ... Gnome, the Spirit of the Second Fonon, would manifest ... either inside the Meggiora Highlands, or in the Zao Ruins ...

Jade: Most likely the Zao Ruins, since many Second Fonons would be canceled out by the Third Fonons in the highlands ...

Luke: ... ! That's right! Aston did say something about the highlands having extreme winds!

Raine: Well done, Luke. Next one.

Luke: Rem would appear at the Tower of Rem ... not only is the tower its namesake, but it is the tallest structure on Auldrant.

Raine: Curious. I would have thought the Capital of Light, Baticul, would be a fitting location.

Luke: Shadow ... hmm. I'd say the Qliphoth, but after we lowered the Outer Lands, there was a Qliphoth no more. Somewhere underground, I guess.

Jade: Hmm. That poses a slight problem. If we can't find Shadow, then it would impede our quest for Auldrantian summoning pacts.

Luke: Sylph would appear at the Meggiora Highlands. Despite the mountains there, there's enough elevation and enough wind.

Raine: My, you disliked studying, but you seem more knowledgeable than Lloyd.

Luke: And Undine ... the ocean is the largest concentration of Fourth Fonons, but even it, a sentience, can't be everywhere around the globe at once.

Raine: How about Grand Chokmah, or Keterburg?

Jade: ... An interesting idea. You're quite right, of course.

Luke: It's manifestation would be at Keterburg, then. Grand Chokmah's got a lot of water, sure, but ice is a form of Fourth Fonon. And it's covering more area than a single city. I'd even say it'd manifest on Mt. Roneal.

Raine: Then it's settled. All we need now are the pact rings and to get the Spirits to come down from the fon belt.

Jade: ... Luke.

Luke: What's up, Jade?

Jade: While I am an expert fonist, I don't quite think I should become the summoner.

Luke: Why not?

Jade: You're the one working hard for this. Besides, summoning a sentience doesn't require that you control all their fonons ... you just use your body as a channeling device to help them manifest.

Luke: B-but I'm not even a fonist ...

Raine: It's the same principle as using the Fields of Fonons during battle.

Jade: Yes, and you've become an expert at channeling fonons into the form you want them to take.

Luke: W-wow! I'm gonna become a summoner! All right!

Klarth: Sigh ... they don't even need the Spirits.

Sheena: Yeah ...

--

Hikaru: I think Klarth and Sheena might be getting a little jealous! Haha.


	37. Nickname Convention

Hikaru: Skit request from Sakura Irving!

--

Norma: All right, people. Line up and pay attention!

All: ...

Norma: It is my preference that I give people I meet nicknames! And those of you who I haven't nicknamed are here to get yours!

Luke: ... Who the hell would want that?

Norma: Ahem! All right. Single file, please. No pushing.

Mint: _(whispering to Arche) _She certainly has a ... unique way of doing things.

Norma: First, the Phantasia Team. Cress is Mr. Hero. Klarth is Bookworm. Arche is Sabrina. Mint is Peppermint, Suzu's Suzy!

Arche: ... I wasn't burned at the stake, y'know.

Klarth: So I like books, so what? (sad)

Cress: _(singing) _I need a hero ... !

Mint: Peppermint. Hehe, it's cute.

Suzu: ...

Norma: Team Symphonia! Lloyd is Double-L, Colette is Happy Angel, Kratos is Emo Angel, Presea is Wonder Woman, Raine is Rainie, Sheena's Royal Flush, Zelos is Angelo, and Regal is Macho Man!

Lloyd: Hey, mine's pretty good!

Zelos: I'm not complaining about mine.

Kratos: ... I am not emo.

Presea: The meaning of mine escapes me.

Raine: "Rainie?"

Sheena: Heh. Royal Flush. Not bad.

Colette: I'm happy! _(heart)_

Regal: ... Macho Man?

Norma: Team Abyss! Last one! Luke is Borderline Emo, Tear is Pop Star, Guy is Blondie, Jade is Red Eyes, Natalia's Landy, and Anise is Gold Digger!

Luke: ... Geez.

Tear: Yulia's hymns are not pop music!

Guy: Blondie sounds like a feminine nickname.

Jade: Hmm, I was rather hoping for something a little more novel.

Natalia: ... ! To think that the Lanvaldear name would be used so carelessly ...

Anise: Hey, Norma! No one needs to know that!

Jade: But everybody already does, Anise.

Anise: Boo!

Luke: Oh, yeah! What about Asch? He was part of our team for a time.

Asch: Shut up, replica!

Luke: You shut up!

Norma: Asch ... ? Hmm. How about Emo Kid or Anti-social?

Guy: _(shrugs) _Doesn't matter; both of them are true for him.

Asch: ... This is why I dislike you people.

--

Hikaru: Norma's villain nicknames are comin' up! I apologize if some of the nicknames aren't that great. And I also excluded Chester and Genis because they already got nicknames (Chazzy and Gene). And it is in my head that Cress would be a good singer. Haha.


	38. Redheaded Royalty

Hikaru: Things to be said ... I have not played Rebirth. I really want to, but I currently have no means to. So I am reading a translated game script. I have a general idea of what some characters' personas are like, but if you find any errors, feel free to tell me. Nicely, please.

--

Anise: For time immemorial ... the royal family of Kimlasca-Lanvaldear has had red hair and green eyes.

Luke: Yes ... why?

Anise: Wouldn't that make Zelos royalty if he ever visited Baticul?

Luke: Uh ...

Zelos: Oh, yeah baby ... I'm royal no matter where I go! _(heart)_

Senel: If that's true, then Seles and Reid would get to be Kimlascan royalty, too.

Klarth: ... That lazy bum, royalty? Oh, man.

: If that's true, then you have one more person to add to that list! _(music note)_

Luke: Who's there?! More psuedo royalty!?

(Cue drum roll)

: Joining the league of redheads impersonating Kimlascan royalty ...

(Cue cymbals clashing)

: Mao! The cheerful redhead of Rebirth!

All: ...

Mao: What d'ya think? Pretty good there, eh? Haha.

Luke: No, you wouldn't be considered Kimlascan royalty.

Mao: Eh? Why not?

Zelos: Your eyes are red, kid, not green.

Senel: Just like your eyes are blue, Zelos.

Zelos: Uhm ...

Mao: Humph! Just you wait, Fabre! My league of redheads and I will take over the kingdom of Kimlasca-Lanvaldear! Ha ha!

Luke: Oi ...

Anise: I wonder if he's rich ... _(heart)_

--

Hikaru: Out of Rebirth, Mao is my personal favorite. Haha. He's just so ... cheery and stuff ... I like the comment he had about the Jet Black Fangs ... "Is that because of tooth decay?" XP


	39. Senel and Jade's Welcoming

Hikaru: Rebirth is now officially joining Crossroads:claps:

--

Senel: So Mao, you lost your childhood memories?

Mao: _(nods) _Yeah. But I don't really care about my past. What matters is the future! And stuff.

Senel: Sounds just like Luke. You're redheaded, too ... pretty funny.

Jade: Except Luke turned out to be a replica, not actually afflicted with amnesia.

Mao: You're really smart, sir. _(music note) _I mean, you figured out at the beginning of your game that Luke and Ion were replicas!

Senel: Well ... he is the father of fomicry ... and an expert fonist. What do you expect?

Jade: Mao, perhaps you're a replica as well.

Mao: ... Nah. I can't be! There's only one "me" ! Right ... ?

Senel: I dunno ... you have a striking resemblance to Reid ...

Mao: Sigh. Hello? I have red eyes! He's got green!

Senel: He or you could be using contacts.

Jade: You also might have something like the fonic sight ... would you mind if I were to examine you?

Mao: ... Eugene? Where are you ... ?

--

Hikaru: Mao, so easy to pick on. Haha.


	40. Nicknames for Team Rebirth

Hikaru: I'M SORRY! Norma's villain nicknames are coming up after this!

--

Norma: Argh! Why didn't the Rebirth team come sooner?! I could've taken care of it then!

Veigue: ... Is there some problem?

Norma: No, not at all! _(heart)_

Tytree: So let's hear 'em, Norma!! _(excited)_

Hilda: You are ... overly excited.

Norma: Team Rebirth! Veigue is Kuurea, Mao is Sparks, Claire is Peachy, Eugene is Panther, Hilda is Demi, Annie is Miss Doctor, and Tytree is ...

Tytree: _(excited, hopeful)_

Norma: ... Tree Hugger!

Tytree: ... Eh ... that's not quite ...

Veigue: ... I am not amused.

Mao: Sparks? Eh? I like it! Chichinpuipui! _(heart)_

Claire: Well ... I really like Obaa-san's peach pie ... _(sullen)_

Hilda: How rude. That nickname is merely another word for Half.

Annie: I have other career options, you know!

Norma: Oh! How come no one ever likes my nicknames?! _(pouts)_

Eugene: ... Panther. _(quietly) _Raaaaaawr.

Mao: Eugene, what're you doing?

Eugene: Er ... n-nothing ... _(blush)_

--

Hikaru: The last word in Mao's nickname response is what he says in the game to sound cute. Also ... I'm not entirely sure, but I think Obaa-san means old lady or grandma ... (shrug). Again, I apologize if some nicknames are dumb.


	41. Villains of a Sort

Hikaru: And now, the much-delayed Villain nicknames! May be a bit long ... haha.

--

Van: All right. We're all here. _(ahem)_ In light of the heroes stealing the stage, we the villains must--

(Enter Rebirth Villains)

Saleh: Who said you could hold a convention without me?!

Tomah: Hehehhe, Arietta, are you beautiful? Fufufu ...

Arietta: _(inches away toward a liger)_

Agarte: I'm not a villain ... am I?

Zilva: Death to all Huma! Gajuma shall rule supreme!

Yuris: Think of anything negative, and I will smite thee.

Van: Grr ... Okay, all right. Once more. We the villains must--

(Enter Norma)

Norma: So HERE's where you villains were all holed up! _(takes list) _Ahem!

Van: ... _(scribble)_

Norma: Team Phantasia! Eh ... I guess the only real villain is Dhaos. All right then, Disco Man!

Dhaos: ... It's not my fault.

Norma: Team Symphonia! Forcystus is Forcie, Magnius is Magma, Kvar is Sparky, Rodyle is Arch Suicide, Pronyma is Arch Deceiver, and Yggdrasill is Panic Disco!

Forcystus: Foresee? Hmm ... That sounds more appropriate for a Scorer ...

Magnius: Untapped power of the fires of the earth, the planet's blood ... Muwhahah! Marvelous!

Kvar: I refuse to be ridiculed because of my power over electricity. _(powers up Energy Stone)_

Rodyle: ... I wasn't about to do nothing if my enemies would've been victorious!

Pronyma: Muwhahahah ... Deceiver ... hehehe.

Yggdrasill: _(scribble) _It's COMFORTABLE. Right, Dhaos?

Dhaos: ... No comment.

Norma: Going down the list ... Team Legendia! Melanie is Mistress, Stingle is Shingle, Cashel is Cashew, Vaclav is Mushroom, Maurits is Golden Oldie, and Schwartz is Evil G-Girl!

Melanie: ... Hehehehhehehe ...

Stingle: What's that got to ... sigh. Never mind.

Cashel: ... _(meekly) _I'm not a nut.

Vaclav: Calling a prince of the Crusand Empire a mushroom!? READY THE NERIFES CANNON!

Grunt Soldier: Sir, we have no Radiant to use as fuel.

Vaclav: ...

Maurits: _(runs hand through hair, confused)_

Schwartz: _(pouts)_ I-I'm just doing my job ...

Norma: Team Rebirth! Saleh is Oh-My-Who's-That-Good-Lookin-Son-of-a-Jackal, Tomah is Mr. Creeps, Agarte is Ki Ki Meow, Zilva is Wow-I-Did-Not-See-That-Coming, and Yuris is PMSing Sacred Beast.

Saleh: _(flicks hand through hair)_

Tomah: ... Are you beautiful, Norma? Fufufufufufu ...

Agarte: I am not a villain! Just misguided ... But ... the name is cute ... _(blush)_

Zilva: ... How could anyone NOT see I was the big bad villain?

Yuris: ... I am a male entity.

Norma: Aaaaaaaaaand Team Abyss! Last one! Van is Eyebrows, Arietta is RAWR, Dist is Mad Mechanic, Sync is Go-Out-With-a-Bang Suicidal, Legretta is Gunslinger, Largo is Reaper, and Nebilim is Insane Demi-Angel!

Van: ... _(mutters) _Maybe I really should do something about my eyebrows ...

Arietta: _(mouth twitches in an almost smile)_

Dist: ROSE, DAMMIT!

Sync: Goodbye, cruel, original world. _ (holds Legretta's gun to head)_

Legretta: _(aims remaining gun at Sync)_ Dance for me.

Largo: _(looks at scythe, bewildered)_

Nebilim: _(starts casting Big Bang) _Ahahahhahaha ... You just might ... DIE!

Norma: And that concludes the current session of nicknames! _(bows) _

--

Hikaru: I apologize for any unsatisfactory nicknames ... I think I got all the Rebirth villains, the important ones anyway. Tomah says the same thing because the first thing he says in the game really creeped me out ... And hooray for more villain convention crashing! 8D And Vaclav's nickname is like so because his name makes me think of mushrooms for some reason ... haha.

And Forcystus misunderstood his nickname. XP


	42. Lloyd's Rant

Hikaru: Haha ... yet another way Luke is similar to Zelos!

--

Lloyd: Argh!

Eugene: Is something wrong, Lloyd?

Lloyd: You bet there is! After all the work we put in our own world so Colette and other Chosen wouldn't have to sacrifice themselves to solve their problems, it still happens!

Eugene: How do you mean?

Lloyd: In your own world, Huma and Gajuma were at one point trying to snuff out the other!

Eugene: That's been resolved. No actual sacrificing took place.

Lloyd: _(not listening) _In the Legendian world, the Merines tried to sacrifice herself and ultimately the human race! Grune sacrificed herself to stop Schwartz!

Shirley: I'm not like that anymore.

Grune: Oh, I'll be back soon enough, and so will Schwartz.

Lloyd: In the Phantasian timeline, entire cities were sacrificed to fight Dhaos, who in turn sacrificed himself for his home world!

Mint: But we saved our world and the goddess Martel gave Dhaos's people the seed of the Mana Tree ...

Lloyd: In Auldrant, the biggest culprits are there! Yulia gave herself to stop the miasma, Van tried to sacrifice Lorelei for his ideals, as well as entire cities! Ion sacrificed himself to save Tear, the God-Generals save Dist sacrificed themselves for Van, and even Van himself was sacrificed to stop him!

Van: You're forgetting another two sacrifices.

Lloyd: Don't interrupt me! And Luke and Asch are the biggest dopes I've ever seen!

Luke: Y-you don't have to say it like that ...

Asch: Lloyd, shut up.

Lloyd: Luke, as well as the replicas, sacrificed themselves to get rid of the miasma! Asch was just dumb and sacrificed himself when he really could have survived that battle!

Anise: Yeah, Asch, what's your hyperresonance for?

Luke: And you're the original, whose hyperresoance was supposed to be a true one ...

Asch: I told you all to shut up! It's my business that I died!

Lloyd: When will people get it in their heads?! What will you accomplish by dying?! Nothing! There is no meaning in dying!

Cress: Oh, my.

Kratos: Indeed.

Eugene: What is it?

Cress: Lloyd possesses the Eternal Sword, an item that can control time.

Kratos: Exactly. From here on, expect Lloyd to turn up in your timelines to interfere.

Eugene: ...

--


	43. Intelligent Discussion

Hikaru: Bleh. Wanted to get technical again. Haha.

--

Luke: Y'know, I've been thinking ... how can we all talk together like this and be in the same place, if we're all from different worlds and even timelines?

Genis: Yeah, I've been wondering about that, too.

Jade: That may be the most intelligent thing you've ever asked, Luke.

Luke: Oh, shut up.

Genis: I have a feeling it's something that has to do with manipulating the space-time continum.

Luke: Oh, so the Eternal Sword is involved, then?

Genis: Not the sword itself, more like the powers it possesses. Something like it is causing this, but not the sword.

Luke: So shouldn't we ask Cress or Lloyd about it?

Genis: _(sigh)_ I doubt we'd get anything from Lloyd. The most he knows about its powers are that it controls time-space and he can use it in a powerful attack.

Jade: And if Cress is in fact descended from Lloyd, there's not much hope in asking him.

Luke: Then how do we figure this out?

Genis: Hmm. The only thing in the universe (that we know of) that can manipulate space-time at will is the Spirit Origin, the King of the Summon Spirits. We can have either Sheena or Klarth summon him and we can ask him.

Raine: Actually, I have a theory on it myself. The Eternal Sword has turned up on other worlds and timelines. In Eternia, Legendia, other Phantasia spinoffs even. All swords are called the same name and have the same power over space-time.

Luke: So, what, did Origin put them there or something?

Raine: Something like that. Origin is the source of the sword's power. In a sense, he is essentially the space-time fabrication, made sentient. If all worlds' energy is mana, then Origin's power can reach anywhere. The swords may actually be "anchors" on each planet to act as receptors to Origin's power, and he may be the one that regulates time.

Genis: That makes sense. But why does Origin always put it in the form of a sword?

Jade: That's probably his own preference.

Luke: But that doesn't explain why we're all here in the same time and place!

Genis: Yes, it does. If what Raine says is true, then this place is a "pocket" in the space-time fabrication. On each of our worlds, there are places where the space-time continum is partially disrupted. One of ours is Origin's tablet, and the passage between our world and the Necronimicon.

Luke: Yeah ...

Jade: Ours would probably be the Sephiroth and the planet's core. Sephiroth are huge concentrations of the planet's memory, a substance invovled with time.

Raine: In Phantasia, there is Origin's tablet and Dhaos's castle, since it was immersed in time itself.

Luke: In Callegia, there would be that one place where Yuris was.

Genis: On Legendia's planet Melfes, there is the Cradle of Time that Grune called.

Luke: Hey. I thought only Origin can control space-time! But Grune's the Weaver of Time, right?

Jade: And her opposite, Schwartz, is the Bringer of Destruction. Grune was also a summoner.

Raine: Yes. It's possible that Origin had created Grune or vice-versa; Origin regulates time, and Grune creates more of it, wherein Schwartz presides over destruction.

Luke: Ah, I feel a headache coming on ...

_(Enter Will)_

Will: What's this about?

Jade: Will, sorry to say you missed it. We were just having an intelligent discussion about--

Will: What?! You had an intelligent discussion and didn't tell me?! _(takes hammer)_

Luke: Eh! Now, Will, we can talk this out ... intelligently.

Will: _Primordial illumination, the fount of life for all things, roar forth this once and--_

Jade: Oh, my. _ I, who stand in the full light of the heavens--_

Will: _Show us thy power!_

Jade:_ --command thee, open the gates of hell! Come forth, divine lighting! This ends now--_

Will: _Big Bang!_

Jade:_ Indignation!_

Luke: _(clasping hands)_ Oh holy Lorelei, Yulia, Nerifes, Martel, Sacred Beasts, Spirits, and all else that is good in the world, protect us!

--

Hikaru: Haha. Imagine if Big Bang combined with Jade's Indignation ...


	44. The Fon Master Guardians

Hikaru: I thought of this when I saw how many young'uns there were.

--

Zelos: Ion, you naughty, naughty boy.

Ion: What?

Zelos: You sly dog! Both your guards are female, and they both have a thing for you! _(heart)_

Ion: W-well, there are more guards, but those two were enough ...

Zelos: Y'know, why didn't I think of that? A legion of hunnies that can fight alongside me ... hehe.

Ion: Not ALL my guards are female, Chosen.

Zelos: Eh? Then show me!

Ion: Sigh ... _(exits)_

_(Ion re-enters with more people in his age group)_

Ion: Zelos, these are my remaining Fon Master Guardians.

Zelos: What?! You can't be serious ...

Genis: Haha. Ion asked me to be a Fon Master Guard after I kicked your ass with Indignation Judgment.

Mao: Eh, I don't really have much to do these days. And being a guard! Awesome!

Suzu: Hiring a ninja to be a guardian is a wise choice, Fon Master.

Presea: Yes, I am glad to be of use.

Jay: _(smile) _This a most welcome opportunity to test my skills.

Mithos: _(scribble)_ ... You guys brought me back from the grave for THIS?

Zelos: Wow ... with all these guards, Ion can easily take over his world or another ...

Ion: Also, Jay lent me a backup guard force.

_(Enter Oresoren)_

Pippo: Yay! We get to help Jay!

Quppo and Poppo: Jay! Jay! Ion! Ion!

Zelos: Uhm ... wow.

--

Hikaru: You know that'd be awesome if all the above WERE in fact Ion's guard. Haha.


	45. Finding Yggdrasill

Hikaru: It'd be so hilarious if Tytree abused his Force this way.

--

Tytree: Hey, Lloyd, play a game with me!

Lloyd: What's the game?

Tytree: Psh, it'll be more fun than Veigue's Huma & Gajuma board game.

Lloyd: Right, so what is it?

Tytree: I'll show you. Let's go visit the Giant Tree in Phantasia's timeline.

Lloyd: Okay.

_(Lloyd uses Eternal Sword to take him and Tytree to Yggdrasill in the Forest of Spirits)_

Lloyd: Now what's the game?

Tytree: Turn around, and no peeking!

_(Lloyd obeys)_

Tytree: Hmm ... all right! Done!

Lloyd: What'd you--gah! What'd you do?!

_(Lloyd sees the whole clearing filled with giant trees identical to Yggdrasill)_

Tytree: It's the game! Find the real Giant Kharlan Tree!

Lloyd: ... What'll happen if I pick the wrong one?

Tytree: The false tree will possess you and make you go berserk and attack your allies! _(music note)_

Lloyd: Ugh. _(walks forward) _Martel!

_(Tree Spirit Martel appears)_

Lloyd: That's the real one.

Tytree: Oh, you cheater! Sigh, you're no fun ...

--

Hikaru: Lol, supposed to be a reference to how Tytree's Force went wild in the game.


	46. Shiny Fur

Hikaru: My dog had a bath recently, and his fur's all soft and shiny ... thusly. Haha.

--

Tear: Eugene, your fur's all shiny today.

Eugene: Yes, I suppose it would be. I took a shower and used a kind of shampoo that's supposed to increase shine.

Tear: _(puts hand on Eugene's fur)_ And it's so soft, too ... _(heart)_

Eugene: ...

Tear: What kind of shampoo do you use?

Eugene: Well, I'm a Gajuma, and have fur, not hair. So ... I use shampoo that's been specialized for Gajuman use.

Tytree: Yeah! Some brand by Pet Co.

Eugene: _(blushes)_ ...

--

Hikaru: Imagine a shiny-fur Eugene. Oh, yeah.


	47. Chosen and Merines

Hikaru: A little more play on the Shirley/Colette similarities.

--

Senel: Lloyd.

Lloyd: Yeah?

Senel: How ... strong is Colette?

Lloyd: Pretty strong. What, physically? She can lift Regal with one hand no problem.

Senel: What, Regal!?

Lloyd: Yeah, and she has superhuman hearing and sight. And don't forget her wings and angelic spells.

Senel: Is that right ...

Lloyd: Why do you ask?

Senel: So angels are really powerful, just like the Merines. When Shirley became the Merines, she was able to strip us of our eres and give power to the Ferines.

Lloyd: Oh, yeah, that one time Walter kicked your butt.

Senel: ... So how about Colette's magic? How strong are those?

Lloyd: She has Angel Feathers, which fires rings of light at the enemy. Holy Song gives the target protection, Sacrifice uses angelic power to harm the enemy and heal allies, and Judgment is the strongest spell. Rays of light rain down on enemies.

Senel: I see.

Lloyd: How about Shirley's magic?

Senel: Other crystal erens have the same spells, but in Shirley's hands they're more powerful. Like, Shirley's Indignation looks more like a true Indignation than the electric shortout that was Will's--

Will: Stop getting on my case about my Indignation!

Senel: --her Ground Dasher, Blizzard, Shooting Stars, etc are much stronger. She also has support magic and Cure, the best healing spell. Her strongest spell of all is Tidal Wave ...

Lloyd: Which looks a lot more like a Tidal Wave than Genis's!

Genis: Shut up, Lloyd! My Tidal Wave's fine!

Lloyd: Y'know what else I find funny? Colette was Martel's vessel. Her body was supposed to house the soul of a godly entity.

Senel: And Shirley became one with Nerifes ... that is funny!

_(Senel and Lloyd continue to discuss Shirley and Colette's powers)_

Genis: _(darkly) _Why do people keep nagging us about our magic and comparing it to others' magic?!

Will: Indeed, I would like to know that as well.

Genis: If Shirley can teach me a better Tidal Wave, then they'll eat their words.

Will: Yes, they shall! Perhaps Jade would be willing to impart some help ...

--

Hikaru: Watch out, Lloyd and Senel. Two more mages are set on revenge. Hahaha.


	48. Android Contest

Hikaru: This idea hit me as I was playing Legendia, during a scene where Walter was seen tuning up automata.

--

Walter: Our Zephyrs and Automata are the mightiest armies of all of Melfes!

Kvar: Maybe on your planet, Radiant, but within the Desians, we have the greatest remote forces!

Forcystus: That's right! With Kvar's Energy Stones, and my own Exbones, your Zephyrs and Automata are as nothing!

Walter: Interesting. Would you be interested in an Android contest, then?

Forcystus: We accept. However, Kvar and I will choose the battle ground.

Walter: Be my guest, half-elves!

Kvar: We will fight on planet Auldrant, on the Rugnica Plains.

Walter: Very well.

_(Enter Raine, Lloyd, Senel, and Will)_

Lloyd: Wow, an Android contest! Who do you think will win?

Senel: Sigh. Walter certainly hasn't changed.

Raine: Walter's bitten off more than he can chew.

Will: How so? Zephyrs and Automata are quite formidable.

Raine: Automata are powered by Radiant's eres. However, strong electric currents can interfere with Walter's control over them. Energy Stones are walking power houses. And Zephyrs fly in order to fight; Exbones have tremendous power over wind.

Will: I see you've researched well. I could not study Automata because ... well, they are commanded by Walter ...

Raine: In any case, it will be a good lesson for Walter.

Senel: Yeah. He needs to loosen up.

--

Hikaru: Now THAT would be an epic thing to watch: Forcystus and Kvar's army of Exbones and Energy Stones against Walter's Zephyrs and Automata!! Even though it's apparent that the Desians have an unfair advantage over Walter, I'd like to see how Wally would cope.


	49. Fist to Fist Conversation

Hikaru: This is a skit based off a fanart I drew which can be found at hikaru-irving dot deviantart dot com.

--

(Enter flying Walter)

Tytree: Eh? Walter? What're you doing?

(Walter lands)

Walter: Have you seen a red-haired, red-eyed teenager running around here lately?

Tytree: Walter, why're you wearing your Orerines disguise?

Walter: Answer me, dammit!

Tytree: Whoa, just calm down, pal. So … you're wearing your Orerines disguise … and you hate Orerines … which means you need to wear that. Did somebody steal your clothes or something when you were skinny-dipping?

Walter: _(blushes)_ I was NOT skinny-dipping!

Tytree: Ah-HA! So your Ferines clothes WERE stolen.

Walter: Whatever! Just tell me if you've seen a red-haired, overly cheerful kid running around here lately!

Tytree: You mean Mao?

Walter: Yes! That little filthy Orerines brat—

Tytree: Mao's what you'd call a Kerines. He's not even human.

Walter: Kerines? WHATEVER! Just tell me where he went!

Tytree: Why don't you just calm down?

Walter: That little brat stole my clothes! AND he ransacked the weapon shack; he stole two coral tonfas!

Tytree: Ah, well, it's Mao. And he's a kid, don't be so harsh.

Walter: _(punches Tytree) _I'll be as harsh as I like!

Tytree: I see how it is. YOUR FISTS MUST HAVE A LOT TO SAY! _(punches Walter)_

Walter: Orerines bastard! _(punches)_

Tytree: And we're on a beach! What luck! _(punches)_

(Tytree and Walter engage in fist-to-fist conversation)

Veigue: Don't bottle up all that anger, Walter! LET IT ALL OUT!

Senel: What the hell's going on?

Veigue: The easiest way for males to communicate—fist-to-fist conversation.

Senel: Hmm. That sounds great.

--

Hikaru: XP Next skit, Walter finds Mao. Haha. And you gotta love Stalling!Tytree. :3


	50. Riot Over Clothing

Hikaru: Oh, yes. I AM SO DRAWING THIS.

--

(Mao walks out of a shop)

(Walter flies and lands before Mao, all bruised)

Walter: _(pointing)_ Found you!

Mao: Eh? Uh-oh!

Walter: You're damn right—_(blinks)_

Mao: _(smiles nervously)_

Walter: Why are you wearing my clothing?!

Mao: … Because it's cool and you left them lying around?

Walter: I was taking a shower, dammit! A-and what'd you DO to them!? _(grabs Mao by the lapels)_

(Walter sees that Mao had changed the blues and greens of the outfit to reds and oranges)

Walter: YOU ALTERED MY CLOTHES!

Mao: Yeah, but doesn't it look cool!?

Walter: Do you even know how Ferines garments are made?! They're made using special plant fibers and dyes, which are made using a specific kind of eres! Do you know how LONG it's going to take for Ferines weavers to make me a new outfit!?

Mao: If it's so hard to make, then shouldn't you have, like, entire stores of fabric?

Walter: We did, but it's on the mainland and shipping them was difficult during the war that bastard Vaclav had going, and then with the Orerines attacking during the Rite of Accession!

Mao: If you want it so badly, then just fly there and get your fabric, and then wear something like a robe in the meantime. You must be the only Ferines I know that wears pants.

Walter: _Thy power floweth purely, ever unwavering! Accept this soul into thine embrace; let all hear thy marvelous voice!_

Mao: _(smirks) Untapped power of the fires of the earth, the planet's blood! Follow the phoenix flight on scorching wings!_

Walter: _Tidal Wave!_

Mao: _Volcanic Eruption!_

--

Hikaru: Both spells for Wally and Sparks are made up. Since I'm not sure what Mao's spells do (although I read their names in the translation guide, there was no offering for the equivalent name in "official" terms).

So, even though water puts out fire, Mao's using lava … which hardens into solid rock when cooled. Hehe.


	51. Gajuma Diversity

Hikaru: Ke, ke, ke ... I thought of this when the Gajuma, despite there being a large diversity within their people, are all classified as the same race.

--

Tytree: There's no difference between Huma and Gajuma! They're all the same!

Anise: Well, yeah, but ... are all the Gajuma the same?

Tytree: ... What?

Anise: I mean, look at it. A group of people are considered the same "race" as long as they can interbreed and produce stable offspring, right?

Tytree: Yeah, if you wanna get technical ...

Anise: But if you want to cross a dog Gajuma and a, oh, I dunno ... a turtle Gajuma, they couldn't mix, right?

Tytree: ... Wh-where are you going with this?

Anise: Gajuma should inherit the traits of the animals from which they're descended. So, that Walto or Waltu dude ... he's a bat Gajuma. So shouldn't that mean he's virutally blind and echolocates?

Tytree: _(scratches head)_ Perhaps ...

Anise: To bat Gajuma, then, would the Huma-Gajuma conflict mean anything? They can't see the differences, right?

Tytree: ... _(shifts uncomfortably)_

Anise: So how would bat Gajuma discriminate?

Tytree: Exactly! Perhaps the bat Gajuma and others like them would be a key player in stopping--

Anise: "Oh! You can't echolocate like I can! SHUN THE UN-ECHOLOCATING ONES! SHUN!"

Tytree: ...

--

Hikaru: But then again, how could they tell if others could echolocate or not? XP


	52. Potion Queen Part I

Hikaru: Skit request from GoldenTalesGeek!

--

Arche: I wonder ... how is it to drink this "potion" stuff all the guys are talking about?

Mao: _(soaking wet, still wearing Altered!Walter's!Outfit)_ What, potion?

Arche: Yeah. Raine was always talking about how it's such a waste of Gald to keep buying stocks of potion in every city they go ...

Mao: Ne, I tried to sneak a potion from Regal once. Eugene found out about it and kept me in a chilly room for two hours. Brrr. It must've been something bad.

Arche: I don't think so ... Yeah, Zelos and Regal are always drinking potion ... I'll just go join them at the Altamira bar tonight.

Mao: Chichinpuipui, can I come?!

Arche: Nah, if Eugene found out, then he'd prolly make you stay in someplace like Keterberg or Flanoir for a week.

Mao: Ohhhh ... _(shivers)_

--

Hikaru: Part I, Part II coming up!


	53. Potion Queen Part II

Hikaru: Wheee, part II! Why Zelos loves Altamira: the drinking age is less than the drinking age in Meltokio. XP

--

(Enter Zelos and Regal waiting before the Elemental Railway at night in Altamira)

Zelos: _(checking watch)_ Bar's open now. I wonder where Arche is?

Regal: ... You actually invited Arche to come with us to the bar?

Zelos: Well, normally I do invite my lady friends on outings like this ... but Arche asked if she could come with us tonight.

Regal: Really?

(Enter Arche)

Arche: Hey, guys! Let's go!

(Meanwhile ...)

Mao: Chichinpuipui _(music note)__(playing solitare in Altamira hotel room)_

(Enter Chester)

Chester: Hey, Mao? Have you seen Arche?

Mao: _(flipping cards down)_ Hmmmmm, why do you ask, Chazzy?

Chester: Well, she wanted to come to Altamira with me, but I haven't seen her lately. _(crestfallen)_ And I thought we could go night swimming or see a play in the theater ...

Mao: Welllll, Arche was curious about what drinking "potion" is like. So she went to the bar with Zelos--

Chester: _(eyes wide)_ WHAT!?

Mao: _(startled) _I don't know what potion is either, but for some reason, you can't buy it unless--

Chester: Why didn't you stop her!? WhatthehellsheshouldknowwhatkindofmanZelosis!

(Chester exits ... actually, he tears down the door on the way out)

Mao: ... What?

--

Hikaru: Chazzy sounds all romantic because Arche's not there. Part III coming up! And Part III's the last one!


	54. Potion Queen Part III

Hikaru: Chichinpuipui! Part III!

--

(Enter Arche, Zelos, and Regal in the Altamira bar …)

Arche: _(chugs down shot) _Ah, YEAH! That's _(hic)_ good stuff!

Zelos: _(holding potion glass) _Uh … yeah.

Regal: …

Arche: _(slurred) _Doesh any ozzer schity have poshun this great?

Zelos: Well, there is Mizuho Potion and Flanoir Potion …

Regal: Zelos, be quiet. Arche, I think you shouldn't drink any more.

Arche: Awwsh, why's not, Reeegal?

Regal: You're obviously drunk. Enough. _(takes Arche's potion glass)_

Arche: Ohs, Ah's got it … you wanna _(hic)_ take me home, riiiiight?

Regal: No.

Arche: _(lunges for Regal … who isn't able to dodge)_ TAKE ME HOME, DADDY-O!

(Regal and Arche crash to the floor)

Zelos: Hmph, what about me? _(plays with potion glass)_

Regal_: (muffled)_ I think this is the first time I want to remove these cuffs …

(Enter—no, excuse me, KABOOM in comes Chester!)

Chester: _(bow at the ready, aiming at Zelos) _WHERE'S ARCHE?!

(Arche, STILL atop Regal, raises her hand)

Arche: 'Sup, Chazz?

Chester: … _(staring at Arche)_

Regal: _(muffled)_ Chester …

Chester: Ah! Right. C'mon Arche, let's go. _(Chester helps Arche to stand)_

Arche: Ahh, you know he _(hic)_ wanted it BAD. _(hic)_

Chester: _(ears burning) _Let's go. (leads Arche out)

Regal: _(gets up) _Zelos, make sure Arche never gets within a five-mile radius of potion ever again.

Zelos: Eh? _(looks underneath table)_ Mao?

Mao: _(sweatdrop)_ Ehehe … uh-oh?

Regal: Sigh … better go tell Eugene.

Zelos: Right.

Mao: Noooo, I didn't do anything wrong!

--

Hikaru: Haha, poor Regal … and Mao.

(Arche received title "Potion Queen")

(Mao received title "Rebellious Teen")

(Regal received title "Chick Magnet")

(Zelos received title "Tattle-Tale")

(Chester received title "Overprotective")

PS—Yeah, bout time somebody earned some titles … haha.


	55. Untrustworthy Healers

Hikaru: Phweh. I am le tired.

--

Jade: I'm a little wary of trusting any healer from any of our teams.

Arche: Why do you say that, Colonel?

Jade: I'm quite worried some of them or all of them may suffer from the Florence Nightingale Effect. It's commoner than most people think.

Arche: Florence Nighten-what?

(Enter Will)

Will: The Florence Nightingale Effect is when a person who treats injuries or other illnesses develops feelings for the patient. The reverse also happens quite often.

Arche: Oh, okay … wait! Will, you're a healer!

Will: … So I am.

Arche: So does that mean you—

Will: I quite assure you, I do not suffer from the FNE.

Arche: _(panicking)_ But what about Mint, Shirley, Raine, Zelos, Regal, Kratos, Norma, and all other manners of healers!?

Will: Calm down, Arche. I'm certain that all our healers do not suffer from the FNE.

Arche: You're sure?

Will: Quite.

Jade: Oh, I wouldn't be too sure of that, Will … people who suffer from the FNE tend to hide it from other people.

Arche: Eww, you disgusting old man! Get away! _(flies off)_

Will: … First off, I am NOT old, secondly, I do NOT suffer from the FNE!

Jade: Hah, you keep telling yourself that, Will …

Will: _(scribble)_

--

Hikaru: Oh, yes, we NEEDED some more of Jade's sarcasm.

(Will received title "Old Perverted Healer")

I'll try to have at least one person earn a title per skit.


	56. On Teriques

Hikaru: Sorry for not updating!

--

Klarth: Miss ... Shirley, was it?

Shirley: Yes?

Klarth: I've been wondering ... why do you use a quill pen as your weapon?

Shirley: It's not so much the quill that's my weapon, but my teriques. I channel its energy through the pen, and that's how I attack.

Klarth: That is interesting. And all Ferines have teriques?

Shirley: Yes. Some Ferines have even created Zephyrs out of their teriques.

Klarth: I see, that's fascinating! Do your teriques have elemental attributes, too?

Shirley: Yes. Mine is Sea elemental, Walter's is Curse elemental, and I suppose Stella's would've been Fire elemental.

Klarth: Fantastic! So, in a teriques fight between you and Walter, who would win?

(Enter Senel)

Senel: C'mon, Klarth, that's a dumb question! Sea elemental presides over Curse, and besides, Shirley's the Merines! Walter would never fight her.

Shirley: Hmmm ... suppose I went crazy?

Senel: Oh, Shirley, you don't have to listen to this ... uhm ...

Klarth: _(glares menacingly at Senel)_

Senel: This ... gentleman.

Klarth: It's all for the sake of knowledge! For someone like me, it's essential to study the magical energies of different worlds!

Senel: In other words, you really are Raine's descendant.

Klarth: Hmph.

--

Hikaru: Screw angel wings; I'd rather have teriques!

(Klarth obtained the title "Magic Mode!")

(Shirley obtained the title, "Crazy Merines")


	57. Klarth's Fortune

Hikaru: Poor Annie and Hilda have been left out.

--

Klarth: Hilda, can I ask you something?

Hilda: What is it?

Klarth: If I really am Raine's descendant ... does that mean I inherited her ... unqiue cooking?

Hilda: Perhaps. Allow me to consult my cards on this one.

(A few moments later)

Hilda: Hmm. It seems ... you do not have Raine's cooking skill.

Klarth: Phew.

Hilda: Why do you ask?

Klarth: Because I recently cooked a meal for Team Legendia--

(Enter Annie)

Annie: Hilda, Klarth, do you guys have any Panancea Bottles?!

Klarth: No. Why?

Annie: Most of Team Legendia's suffering from very severe stomachaches!

Klarth: ...

_(Thud)_

Annie: Ah! Now I need Panancea _and_ Life Bottles! Hurry!

(Exit Annie)

Klarth: ...

Hilda: ...

Klarth: You said I didn't inherit Raine's cooking skill!

Hilda: It seems my cards were wrong on this one.

--

Hikaru: Hahaha. Poor Klarth.

(Klarth obtained the title, "Unique Cooking Style")

(Hilda obtained the title, "Inaccurate Fortune Teller")

(Annie obtained the title, "Medic")


	58. Strike Against Boredom

Hikaru: I had a little Chosen, her name was Co-lette! I put her in the ocean to see if she could swim ...

--

Sheena: I'm bored. What do you guys wanna do?

Arche: Oooh! Let's go swimming!

Colette: Yeah! That sounds great!

Shirley: Yep! _(music note)_

Chloe/Raine: Uhm ...

Arche: Wait, Colette ... you said you haven't been to the beach much, right?

Colette: Yeah, I couldn't go anywhere outside the village because I'm the Chosen.

Sheena: Oh, that's right ... so, you don't know how to swim, Colette?

Colette: Heh, I guess I don't ...

Arche: Well, going to the beach won't be much fun if not all of us can swim.

Shirley: Don't worry. I can teach you how to swim, Colette.

Colette: Oh, really? Would you?

Shirley: Sure, it's no trouble.

Colette: Thanks! _(music note)_

Arche: _(whispering to Sheena) _Doesn't Colette realize that Shirley's got a handicap?

Sheena: _(whispering) _Because she's a Ferines? Oh, right, they can breathe underwater ...

Chloe: _(whispering)_ Well, if Colette's in danger, Shirley can save her. She's the Merines, too.

Raine: _(whispering)_ I'm curious if Nerifes's will can reach to any sea outside of planet Melfes, just like Origin with the Eternal Sword!

Shirley: What are you guys whispering about?

Sheena: Oh, uh, nothing important.

Arche: Yeah, Raine's just getting worked up about swimming.

Raine: _(oblivious)_ If the sea is merely a huge vessel to house the consciousness we know as Nerifes, then is it not impossible for Nerifes to manifest itself in other seas as it sees fit? I'm just itching to get started on experiments! Shirley, let's go to planet Aselia and verify this!

Shirley: Oh, uhm ... okay.

--

Hikaru: Well, this is a good way for Raine to overcome her hydrophobia.

(Colette obtained the title, "Beginning Swimmer")

(Arche obtained the title, "Instigator")

(Raine obtained the title, "Off-Topic")


	59. Unconversational

Hikaru: Hee hee.

--

Asch: ...

Veigue: ...

Asch: ...

Veigue: ...

Asch: So ... do you have any hobbies?

Veigue: ... _(whisper)_

Asch: What was that?

Veigue: ... _(whisper)_

Asch: Speak up! _(irritated)_

Veigue: ... Ice skating.

Asch: ...

Veigue ...

Asch: Sigh ...

--

Hikaru: Two angsty, self-righteous young men trying to make conversation. Oh, man.

(Veigue obtained the title, "The Whisperer")

(Asch obtained the title, "Not-So-Great-Conversationalist")


	60. Spirit Busters

Hikaru: Skit request from GoldenTalesGeek! By the way, now that I've played some of Radiant Mythology (right before the RESCUE LEON! quest), some characters from there will appear here. And I might make a few RM-related skits.

--

Rutee: Awright, guys, I seriously need a few bucks, so I've got an idea!

Anise: Ooh, let's hear it! (music note)

Senel: Something tells me I'd better stay away … (exit)

Norma: Hey! No fair, Senny! You gotta help us!

Rutee: Okay, there are tons of agencies working to eliminate monsters from towns and such, right? There's no way we can compete with that many … so we'll start a mercenary line of work that's completely different …

Anise: Are we still eliminating monsters?

Rutee: Actually, not exactly. People on the Legacy have been freaked out lately. There's been an increase in natural phenomena there. Earthquakes, lightning storms, etc …

Norma: Hey, Grune released Spirits there recently, didn't she?

Anise: No way! We can't fight Spirits!

Rutee: YES WE CAN, DAMMIT! We'll make pacts with the Legendian Spirits and use our newfound summoning powers to help out the people of the Legacy on huuuuge scale, meaning if we succeed, we'll get nice fat sums of moolah!

Anise: Ooooh, I see! We'll be the only ones with that kind of company!

Norma: Yeah! We could help construction by leveling or raising earth with Gnome, power up facilities using Volt, and Rem could light up big time events!

Rutee: Exactly! And to make sure we won't go cutting each other's throats, each one of us has to form a pact with a separate Spirit. 

Norma: Awww, but then we'll have to learn the summoning arts …

Anise: I heard from Sheena that it was a rigorous thing to go through …

Rutee: C'mon, let's see some enthusiasm, dammit! You want that mountain of Gald or no?

Norma: And then we'll need three more people for each Spirit …

Anise: Some people might not agree with what we're doing …

Rutee: We'll take care of that later! How 'bout coming up with a good name?

Norma: Oh! Oh! We'll be the "Spirit Busters!"

Anise: Yeah! That sounds great!

Rutee: Awright! We're gonna be riiiiiich!

--

Hikaru: I can so totally see this happening.

(Rutee obtained the title, "Future CEO")

(Norma obtained the title, "Chooser of Names")

(Anise obtained the title, "Keep Your Eyes On The Gald")


	61. So Unfair!

Hikaru: Skit request (one of many lol) from Death Skater!

--

Tytree: Uh, Natalia, right?

Natalia: Yes? Is there something you need?

Tytree: Actually, I was just wondering … Luke was forbidden to leave his home for seven years because he was kidnapped before, right?

Natalia: Yes, why do you ask?

Tytree: Then it wouldn't it be worse to let you, the actual Kimlascan heir, out?

Luke: Hey, that's right! Didn't you jump out of a window when you were little, too?

Natalia: Y-yes, but Asch saved me, so—

Luke: Argh! That's so unfair! You'd think Uncle would've wanted to protect you, too—

Tytree: Yeah, if someone just went after the Duke's son, you'd think the princess would've been in even more danger—

(Enter Asch)

Asch: Gah! Shut up! You all know the only reason Luke couldn't leave the manor was because he's my replica!

All: …

Tytree: Gee, Asch, thanks for killing the moment.

Luke: Yeah, there he goes again, always charging into everything.

(Exit Luke and Tytree)

Natalia: … Thank you, Asch. It was an … awkward moment.

Asch: … Don't mention it.

--

Hikaru: More … awkward than I planned, but lots of Tales skits are like that. 

(Asch obtained the title, "Charge!")

(Tytree obtained the title, "Future Attorney at Law")

(Luke obtained the title, "No Fair!")


	62. Meeting Mormo

Hikaru: First RM-related skit. Please keep in mind I have not beaten the game yet, so kindly keep spoilers under lock and key.

--

Norma: Ohh! How many more teams of heroes and villains are we getting?

Zelos: Quite a few, I guess. And who'd have guessed it'd be another furball?

Mormo: Nice to meet you, too, Chosen jackass.

Zelos: Ooh … ouch.

Norma: So, so far you and … hey, Morry, where's your Descender buddy?

Mormo: (Morry?) Oh … we got separated.

Zelos: You guys fighting or something?

Mormo: No! How am I supposed to know how the hole-in-the-Lavacleft thing works?!

Zelos: Touché.

Norma: Anyway, Morry, do you know how many villains you're up against yet?

Mormo: All I know is Gilgulim and Widdershin. Why?

Norma: Because I'm giving them nicknames, silly!

Mormo: Oh … okay.

Norma: Let's see … Widdershin … Widdles!

Mormo/Zelos: … Widdles?

Norma: And Gilgulim … Giggles!

Mormo: Hey, now! What's that supposed to mean? You piss off these villains—

Zelos: Hahah, Giggles and Widdles! That's a great one.

Norma: Finally! Someone who appreciates my taste in nicknames!

Zelos: You come up with great nicknames, Norma, but I can give you a run for your Gald.

Norma: Oh, really? Bring it on, Obbachan!

Zelos: Tsk, that's seriously harsh, Norm.

Mormo: … Yeah, I gotta go find my partner …

--

Hikaru: I read in the ToA manga adaptation that Asch called Luke Obbachan … which apparently means "young master" or something. If I'm wrong, please nicely notify me.

(Mormo obtained the title, "Just Visiting")

(Norma and Zelos obtained the title, "Competetive")


	63. Fuzzy Welcome

Hikaru: I … don't know what to say.

--

Pippo: Greetings, Mormo! I am Pippo of the Oresoren.

Mormo: Oh … hi. Nice to meet you.

Pippo: My brothers and the others have come to greet you as well!

Mormo: "Others?"

Quppo and Poppo: Hello! We're Pippo's brothers of the Oresoren!

Noishe: (whine)

Giet: (howl)

Noishe: (whine)

Mieu: Miiieu! A new visitor! Hooray!

Corrine: How cool! (heart)

Noishe: (whine)

Corrine: Oh, Noishe, don't be like that … Giet won't hurt you. Right, Giet!?

Giet: (bark)

Corrine: DON'T TALK TO ME WITH THAT TONE OF VOICE!

Giet: … (whine)

Corrine: Okay, where were we? Oh, yes, Mormo. Pleasure to meet you. I'm Sheena's Summon Spirit.

Mormo: Eh … it's great to be here. (A little awkward, though …)

Mieu: Isn't it, though? We always have so much fun around here!

Noishe: (whine) (whine)

Corrine: No, Noishe, Giet does NOT look hungrily at Mieu!

Giet: (bark) (bark)

Corrine: … Wait, that's true!? I'm telling Moses on you! (exit)

Giet: (whine)

Mieu: We're gonna have that much more fun with Mormo around!

Mormo: … Indeed we are! (Only if that galf doesn't eat us first …)

--

Hikaru: I can so imagine Corrine telling off Giet.

(Giet obtained the title, "Suspect")

(Mieu obtained the title, "Oblivious")

(Corrine obtained the title, "Disciplinary Measure")


	64. Tactless!

Hikaru: I dunno if this is a bug or what, but even though I'm a chick in ToW: RM, some people call me a dude and such …

--

Luke: Owww …

Annie: What's wrong, Luke? Is it a headache … or your stomach again?

Luke: No, Mormo's Descender chick friend just stomped off … and slapped me.

Annie: What did you say to her?

Luke: She accepted my quest for a training partner, and when I was telling her the details, she just slapped me and stalked off!

Annie: Really …

Mormo: … Actually, Luke said, "A man's got to be good with a sword, right? Let's go work on our manliness together!"

Annie: …

Tear: Ugh, tactful as ever, I see.

Luke: What? Tell me what's wrong!

Tear: You insulted her by referring to her as masculine when she is a female.

Luke: Is that all? I mean, come on! That's no reason to go and—

Mormo, Annie, Tear: SHUT UP!

Luke: … okay, okay, jeez.

--

Hikaru: Also note that in any RM skit Luke is involved in, it's pre-change.

(Luke obtained the title, "Tactless")

(Annie and Tear obtained the title, "Feminist")


	65. Cold As Ice Cream

Hikaru: Radiant Mythology turned me into a fully-fledged Leon fangirl.

--

Lloyd: Hey, Leon, right?

Leon: What do you want?

Lloyd: Oh, uh, I noticed that you're a twin blader, too.

Leon: … What of it?

Lloyd: So, we have something in common! This'll be the start of a beautiful friendship! C'mon, man!

Leon: Get away from me, wretch.

(Exit Leon)

Lloyd: Hey, man, wait up! What's stuffed up your tailpipe?!

(Exit Lloyd)

Mao: Ohhh … seriously, what's that guy's problem?

Stahn: Don't let him get to you. He's always like that. Lloyd should be fine, though …

Mao: Yeah, I mean, it IS Lloyd! He can make friends with anyone!

Stahn: I sure hope so. Leon's the coldest person I know.

Mormo: But even the coldest thing can be the sweetest, just like that ice cream he was scarfing down the other—oops!

Stahn: What was that last bit?

Mao: Yeah, Mormo, tell us!

Mormo: N-never mind, just forget it!

(Exit Mormo)

Mao: Ugh, why is everyone acting so weird?

Stahn: I haven't the slightest clue …

--

Hikaru: I ADORED that skit about Leon and his crazy sweet tooth.

(Lloyd obtained the title, "Persistent")

(Mormo obtained the title, "Not-So-Great-Secret-Keeper")


	66. Leon's Legion

Hikaru: Could be considered a continuation of the Fon Master Guardian skit a while back.

--

Zelos: Leon. Gimme your secret.

Leon: Secret? What are you babbling about?

Zelos: You know what I'm talking about … y'know, how do you score so many hunnies at once?

Leon: I have no interest whatever in women, you know that.

Zelos: Then why do so many chicks devote themselves entirely to you? I've seen shrines dedicated to you, Leon.

Leon: … That is very disturbing, please stop saying such things.

Zelos: So just what makes you so hot to the ladies? Is it the hair? Pretty girly, but also emo … my hair's girly and curly, but no emo whatsoever … is it the cape? Wow, that's made of pretty good stuff. Or is it your dagger-saber style of fighting?

Leon: … The dagger-saber style of fighting is going right up yours if you don't shut up!

Zelos: So it's not the fact you're a magic swordsman … hmm, I don't get it. Is it your anti-social personality and promise to choke people with their own organs should they try to talk to you?

Leon: Maybe women don't like you so much because you're an annoying bastard just begging to be put out of his misery?

Zelos: (smirks) Or do they find it adorable that a guy likes to scarf down eight bowls of ice cream?

Leon: (blush) Wh-where did you hear that?

Zelos: Tell me the secret behind your legion of hunnies, Leon. You know you wanna.

Leon: There is no secret. Ever consider women tend to like me more than a boor like you?

(Exit Leon)

Zelos: Grrr … Watch your back, Leon! I'll build my own legion of adoring hunnies—the Zelos Legion and then we'll talk!

--

Hikaru: Silly Leon and Zelos. Who knows what sort of crazy antics they'd get into if they met …

(Leon obtained the title, "Well-Liked")

(Zelos obtained the title, "Inquisitive")


	67. The Two Teachers

A/N: I apologize for the long wait, everyone! I have inspiration for this!

--

Will: Jade, I feel compelled to ask you something.

Jade: What is it?

Will: I was just thinking ... my Indignation isn't as much of a show of electric force as yours is ...

Jade: Hmm. I normally don't like teaching, but since you've come to me, I'd be glad to be of help instead of having you do something rash in your attempt to do that on your own.

Will: Erm, yes. Could you explain to me how you manage your Indignation?

Jade: Remember that we each have powers of our own, all of which are different, but fundamentally the same. Your eres, for example, is an inborn power granted to you by Nerifes, the will of the sea. But don't beat yourself up about your abilities. Everybody is different, everybody learns at his or her own pace.

Will: Go on ...

Jade: Something of a great show of power is a thing you gain over time, and with discipline. Don't rush, don't stress. Just relax. Practice your Indignation over and over again as you know how, until you feel comfortable with that amount of power. Then practice releasing that power, gradually, until you're able to unleash the Indignation of such power you so desire.

Will: I see, fascinating! Thanks very much for your time! _(bows)_

Jade: _(smiles)_ I am glad I could be of help.

--

(Will obtained the title of "Still A Student.")

(Jade obtained the title of : "Not-So-Reluctant Teacher.")


	68. The Mature Mages

A/N: This skit is continued from the last one. This time, it's Genis asking Shirley for help on Tidal Wave.

--

Genis: _Form a torrential vortex to engulf the evil spirits ... Tidal Wave!_

_(Water engulfs the floor, and although the flow is big, its power is weak.)_

Genis: _(Sigh)._

Shirley: You've almost got it, Genis. Water is fluid, water flows through you--our bodies are made up mostly of water.

Genis: I get the theory, I get what you're saying, but I just don't have the heart, the will to try and get it done without getting so frustrated ...

Shirley: Calm down. You know music, yes?

Genis: ... yeah.

Shirley: How do you feel if you simply sit and listen to the music, of not just an instrument, but anything making noise enough to count for a song?

Genis: ... I feel ... like I'm melting with it, resonating with it ... in harmony ...

Shirley: Yes, exactly. Don't fight the water's power, merge with it. Calmly, fluidly, like the ocean and the rivers ... they look calm on the surface, but underneath churns a mighty force that can devastate cities and capsize ships.

Genis: I get it ... _(takes up kendama) Form a torrential vortex, and engulf the evil spirits! Tidal Wave!_

_(Zelos shouts with surprise as the water carries him away)_

Shirley: Congratulations; you did it!

Genis: Heh heh heh ...

Zelos: _(frowns) _Wh-why is it you can cast something powerful like that if only I'm your target?

--

_(Zelos obtains the title of "Target.")_

_(Genis obtains the title of "One Track Mind.")_

_(Shirley obtains the title of "Ocean Romantic.")_

A/N: I thought at first this might be redundant right after Jade and Will, but since it was a continuation ... (shrugs) Ah, well.


	69. Team Vesperia

A/N: DAMMIT MY MUSE JUST WON'T SHUT UP--(shot). (Stands.) Whew. I got another idea: inducting Vesperia into the fic.

--

_(Enter Yuri leaning casually on a building, thinking, with Repede by his side.)_

_(Enter Norma flailing her arms in frustration.)_

Norma: Ooooh! _(fumes)_ Why do people keep coming out of nowhere?!

Yuri: _(quirks brow)_ I have no idea what you mean.

Norma: _(pointing at Yuri)_ You! Your team! Your GUILD! Why couldn't you tell us you were here?

Yuri: _(shrugs)_ Because there wasn't a need to.

Norma: Ooooh, you're no fun at all! Still, I'm giving my nicknames whether your like it or not!

Yuri: _(sighing)_. (Can't be much worse than that guy who gave me the Wonder Log ...) Okay, shoot.

Norma: Ahem! _(unrolls a scroll)_ Yuri is Yur (like Yeeeerrr!), Repede is Raps, Raven is Rav-Rav, Estelle is Essy--

Yuri: B-but I already call her Estelle, her full name is Estellise--

Norma: _(not listening)_ Judith is Judy, Rita is Blastia-Whacka, Flynn is REPLICAAAA--

_(Team Vesperia simmers behind Yuri)_

Yuri: Right, I'm leaving now. Let's go.

--

_(Yuri obtained the title of, "Uncomfortable.")_

_(Norma obtained the title of, "Energetic.")_

A/N: (laughs). Something funny to note--before news of Vesperia came out, I made an OC for ToA named Judith ... XD


	70. The Servant and the Knight

A/N: Skit request from Shiankumo Bani!

--

_(Enter Guy, taking care of Peony's rappigs.)_

_(Enter Flynn, who is broadening his horizons by visiting the Malkuth Empire)._

Flynn: ... So Emperor Peony called me "Guy." Why is that?

Guy: Oh, you just look like me, is all. Did he make fun of you?

Flynn: In a manner of speaking. He said, "Oh, Guy, you're my knight in shining armor!"

Guy: ... ? Oh, wow. Trust His Majesty to say something like that.

Flynn: That's not the worst of it. Jade said that Anise would think that I'm your and Milhaust's lovechild ...

Guy: ... Oh, wow, that's kinda ... wow. I can't say anything else.

Flynn: Even though it's a little weird to me, I like how your Emperor rules his Empire. I have a few good ideas about how to better the Empire I live in.

Guy: _(Sigh)_ That's good.

--

(Guy earned the title, "Knight in Shining Armor.")

(Flynn earned the title, "Foreign Exchange Student.")


	71. Luke the Summoner

A/N: Sorry it's been so long! I was playing ToS: DotNW. I beat it, got the best ending, I'm playing again, and just finished the Triet part of Richter's sidequest.

Anywho, now introducing Emil and Company! Spoilers abound.

--

_(Enter Luke, standing atop the Tower of Rem, Key of Lorelei in hand)_

_(Enter Sheena and Klarth standing off to the side)_

Luke: Okay, let's try summoning Lorelei first. I've got myself and the Sword to attract the Seventh Fonons, and the Jewel to disperse them so I don't get pulled in by Lorelei. Now ... concentrate ... how did that one fon verse go?

Sheena: How do you expect to summon if you can't remember the verse?

Klarth: ... I can summon without a verse.

Sheena: Klarth, that's not the point!

Luke: _I call upon the aggregate sentience of the Seventh Fonon ... I summon thee ... Come, Lorelei!_

_(A flash of light and power, and a figure materializes before Luke, Sheena, and Klarth)_

Luke: _(gasps)_ Hey, you're not Lorelei!

_(Enter Emil, stumbling)_

Emil: Wh-what? Where am I? Where's Ginnungagap?

Sheena: _(laughs)_ Wow, way to go, Luke! You're officially a summoner now.

Klarth: But ... which Spirit is that?

Sheena: Ratatosk, the guardian of the Giant Kharlan Tree, administer of the world's mana, and lord of all beasts. This is his human form, Emil.

Klarth: Oh! So you're the new guy Lloyd was telling me about.

Emil: ... New guy? Okay, I thought I got over scaring easily, but that was frightening.

Luke: S-sorry. I was trying to summon Lorelei. How did I end up getting you instead?

Klarth: And you never made a pact with Ratatosk! How did this ...

Sheena: It looks like Lorelei's more whimsical than we thought.

--

A/N: I'm sorry. I couldn't resist.

_(Luke obtained the title of, "Confused Summoner.")_

_(Emil obtained the title of, "Summoned Unwillingly?")_


	72. The Commandant Curse

A/N: I'm sorry, I can't remember who requested it, but there certainly is a bit of truth in this skit.

--

_(Enter Yuri and Van in a Daathic ice cream parlor)_

Van: What do you want? You've been staring at me for the last ten minutes straight.

Yuri: I just wanted to see the man in the flesh.

Van: What do you mean?

Yuri: You're the one who started the whole Commandant thing.

Van: That is merely a position in a military force. Why is it surprising that there are other Commandants besides I?

Yuri: Well ... Commandant Alexei in the Imperial Knights, Commandant Flynn in the same Knights later on, and then the Martel Knights had a Commandant, even if Magnar was actually with the Vanguard. Yeah, I'm starting to get a little worried.

Van: You're going to keep talking even if I don't ask, aren't you.

Yuri: Yep. Every character so far who held the position of Commandant died a horrible, painful death at the hands of main characters. I'm getting worried that this little curse might make me kill Flynn.

Van: So ... you're saying I started a curse that kills characters who have the title of Commandant. I've never heard anything more absurd.

Yuri: Oh my--! By Adephagos, I think I'm starting to get a violent urge to flay Flynn alive! _(twitches)_

Van: _(sighing)_ I just want to enjoy my ice cream.

--

A/N: Yuri's conveniently forgetting that Magnar never actually died. Instead, Magnar was held prisoner in a dwarf's house. Wait ... is that any better?

_(Van obtained the title of, "Trend Setter.")_

_(Yuri obtained the title of, "Flynn Flayer.")_


	73. Man's Best Friend

A/N: Another animal skit was long overdue.

--

_(Enter Emil, Tenebrae, and Repede)_

Emil: So, Repede, you're not a monster?

Repede: _(barks gruffly)_

Tenebrae: No, he is a dog.

Emil: But look how big he is. He's as strong as a monster. And why does he fight with a dagger instead of fangs and claws?

Repede: _(barks as if in affront)_

Tenebrae: He's a particularly intelligent breed of canine, and refuses to be treated like a dog. He fights with a dagger to be less like a beast, but that doesn't mean he thinks of himself as a human.

Emil: So, he just wants a certain degree of respect.

Tenebrae: Yes. He sets himself neither too high nor too low. It is akin to how I feel every time someone calls me either a "doggie" or a summon spirit. Summon Spirit is too high a pedestal, and "doggie" is just ...

Emil: Oh come on, Tenebrae, you're still upset over that?

Tenebrae: I'm reluctant to say it, but Richter is the only one to call me a Centurion the first time he saw me.

Emil: So ... you don't dislike Richter after all?

Repede: _(barks quizzically)_

Tenebrae: Yes, I quite agree, Repede. Emil does have a strange tendency to turn conversations around to focus on Richter.

Repede: _(snorts)_

Emil: Hey, I didn't mean it like that!

--

A/N: Ratatosk Emil will get a chance to show up soon enough. But first I'm going to poke some fun at Richter. And ... I can't think of a title for anyone this skit.


	74. Origin of Richter

A/N: I actually thought this the first time I saw Richter's character design art.

--

_(Enter Richter, Colette, and Emperor Peony)_

Colette: Uhm, Richter? What's a "threesome?"

Richter: ... I have no desire to satisfy your idle curiosity. Why on earth would you even ask that?

Colette: Oh, that's okay, it's just that I heard Zelos say that when he first saw you, he thought you were the product of a threesome among Jade, Asch, and Dist.

Richter: I beg your pardon, Chosen?

Peony: Oh, well, he's not too far off. Richter's got glasses like Jade, was a researcher, has long red hair and green eyes like Asch ...

Richter: But just what the hell makes me like Dist?

Peony: The frills on your jacket.

Richter: They're not "frills."

Peony: And you were trying to resurrect your dead friend, like Dist was trying to resurrect Professor Nebilim.

Colette: You're right, he's like all three of them! So does that make Richter a "threesome" of Jade, Asch, and Dist?

Richter: _(scribble)_ Now I understand why Asch distances himself so much.

--

A/N: Richter might think he's a half-elf, but in the Sybak Imperial Research Institute, they secretly developed a spin-off technology of fomicry that combines people's genetic information to produce "original replicas."

_(Richter obtained the title of, "Threesome.")_

_(Colette obtained the title of, "Idly Curious.")_


	75. Mystery of Marta's Magic

A/N: Because I was wondering about this, and it never really was addressed in the game.

--

_(Enter Estelle and Marta)_

Estelle: So, Marta, right?

Marta: Yes?

Estelle: I don't mean to be impolite, but why can you use magic? In your world, only elves and half-elves can use magic ...

Marta: I didn't get it at first, either. Tenebrae told me it was because I had Ratatosk's core on my forehead. My daddy had Centurion Solum's core, too, and he could use magic, so that's probably why.

Estelle: Ah, I see! And you had your healing artes shortly after Ratatosk got his core stuck on you after Palmacosta.

Marta: Yeah. At the Elemental Research Laboratory in Sybak, a scientist told us that Centurions' cores, Ratatosk's included, were like Exspheres in composition, so that's even more reason to believe that's why I can use magic.

Estelle: But when you awaken Ratatosk, and the core is removed from you ... could you still use magic? I'm quite fond of being able to help others because of my healing artes.

Marta: I've been thinking about that. Once the core is removed, yes, I may lose the ability to cast magic. On the other hand, it, a concentration of mana, was a part of my body, and maybe that would make my body attuned to mana. So there's still a possibility I can use magic even after the core is gone.

Estelle: I see ... well, I hope it turns out all right.

Marta: Thank you.

--

_(Marta obtained the title of, "Human Mage.")_


	76. Hating Yourself

A/N: Skit request from Shiankumo Bani!

--

_(Enter Asch and Emil, who is in Ratatosk Mode)_

Emil: Damn it, who said you could come out?! Pipe down!

Asch: Are you talking to yourself?

Emil: Heh, I guess you could say that. My other self just won't shut up and it's giving me a headache.

Asch: Oh, I know what you mean. When I was connected to my replica, all his blathering drove me up the wall.

Emil: _(imitating)_ "Richter's not that kind of person!" Ugh. It's like a broken record. This idiot still wants to trust Richter even after Richter tried to kill him.

Asch: _(laughs)_ My dreck of a replica was the same way with Van. Even after Van betrayed him and left him to die in Akzeriuth, he still called him Master Van. It was disgusting.

Emil: Funny, considering Richter's the one who taught my other self how to fight.

Asch: Oh jeez, don't tell me we're gonna have another naive idiot running around constantly screeching, "Master Richter!" My replica's bad enough in that regard.

Emil: Actually, Centurion Aqua is the one who's constantly screeching "Master Richter."

Asch: ... And that helps how?

Emil: It ... doesn't, actually.

Asch: No kidding.

--

_(Emil and Asch obtained the titles of, "Annoyed.")_


	77. Similar Sword Style

A/N: I pondered this when I saw the full scope of Emil's arte set.

--

_(Enter Emil and Luke)_

Luke: So Emil, who taught you how to fight?

Emil: Richter taught me the basics, and helped me train in Camberto Caves.

Luke: But what about your strike artes?

Emil: Oh, my other self came up with them.

Luke: What? You never had a formal sword instructor?

Emil: Nope. My other self just wings it.

Luke: ... You practically murder any enemy you come across with your crazy aerial artes, and you call that winging it?!

Emil: Well, yeah. I always have trouble performing the trickier artes like Heavenly Tempest or Raging Heaven, but my other self does it like it's nothing! It's amazing.

Luke: So you never had anyone pass on their sword style to you.

Emil: I guess not. Why do you ask?

Luke: Well, it's just that ... you and I have a lot of strike artes in common.

Emil: Really?

Luke: Yes, I mean, come on! Havoc Strike, Swallow Fury, Devil's Maw ... I'm just wondering if you're gonna pull out a Lost Fon Drive someday.

Emil: Well, actually, my other self's Ain Soph Aur is kind of like your Lost Fon Drive--

Luke: Gah! Okay, I get it! I'm shutting up now.

Emil: ... Wha--?

--

_(Emil obtained the title of, "Albert Tactician?")_


	78. What's In a Name?

A/N: Okay, I just had to write this after I found out how many characters were named after flowers.

--

_(Enter Guy, Emperor Peony, and Richter)_

Richter: So, your full name's Gaillardia?

Guy: Yes. Why do you ask?

Richter: ... It's a flower. Of the daisy family, grown for its red and yellow flowers.

Guy: So it's a flower, and?

Richter: You're a man.

Guy: Are you saying being named after a flower undermines my manliness?

Richter: In a manner of speaking.

Guy: Look at Emperor Peony! He's named after a flower and his manliness is intact!

Peony: Not to mention Jade. He's named after a jewel that many think is feminine.

Guy: What about your friend Aster? He's named after a flower, isn't he?

Richter: Actually, the name Aster is derived from an ancient elf language that means 'star.'

Peony: Ah-ha! So that would explain the star shaped scar on his neck!

Richter: His parents probably named him for that birthmark. I'm sure they weren't thinking of the flower.

Guy: Did your parents name you after that Tethe'allan geologist, Charles F. Richter?

Richter: I never knew my parents, how should I know?

Peony: IT READS 9.5 ON THE RICHTER SCALE~

Richter: _(sigh)_

--

_(Richter obtained the title of, "Dubious.")_

_(Guy obtained the title of, "Manly Flower?")_

_(Jade obtained the title of, "Manly Jewel?")_


	79. Kendama and Rita

A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! Since I'm spending most of my time playing Vesperia (at the ENDURING SHRINE OF ZAUDE), I've been writing for DR and FotP on paper ... so their next chapters are going to take a while. Meanwhile, something easy and fun: skits! This one was inspired by that one certain weapon for Rita in the city of Mantaic.

--

_(Enter Rita, casting magic with her Nova weapon equipped)_

_(Enter Lloyd, watching)_

Rita: _O mother praised for her indigo light, break apart and raise thy clear new voice! Aqua Laser!_

Lloyd: W-wow! That's amazing, Rita!

Rita: This's nothing special ... When I get really serious--

Lloyd: It's amazing how you cast your magic with that kendama!

Rita: ... Wait, what? You were referring to _the way I cast,_ not the actual spell itself?

Lloyd: _(blissfully unaware of Rita's rising anger)_ Yeah! How you like, weave a sphere of light around yourself with the string and ball of the kendama! So what made you use a kendama, anyway?

Rita: Oh, I saw it at the shop. It conducts aer really well, and it packs a punch, so I thought, why not?

Lloyd: Oh.

Rita: Why do you ask? It seems a really pointless thing to ask.

Lloyd: But, like, don't you ever play with it?

Rita: What? It's a _toy?_

Lloyd: Well, yeah. I thought it was weird that you'd use it like that.

Rita: I chose this as a weapon because of its aer conductivity and the fact it hits hard! Who in their right mind would use it because it's a toy?

Lloyd: Genis first began using his kendama because it's a toy. He plays with it to cast, too.

Rita: _(irritated sigh)_ Is there no mage with any self-respect anymore? The battlefield is not a playground!

Lloyd: Actually, Anise fights with her puppet--

Rita: I've heard enough! _Violent Pain!_

Lloyd: Ahhhhh!

--

_(Rita obtained the title of, "Malevolent Mage.")_


	80. Where Is He Keeping Them?

A/N: Thought of this as I blew off some Taqaron (stuck) steam playing as Raven in the 30-50-80 man melees on Easy mode.

--

_(Enter Chester and Raven, just after a battle with monsters)_

Raven: There, not bad for an old man, huh?

Chester: No, not bad at all ...

Raven: You're not such a bad young'un yourself.

Chester: I ... guess not, though it'll be a long time before I'm at ease like you on the battlefield.

Raven: Haha, the last thing you want is to be at ease during battle.

Chester: ... hmmm ...

Raven: Huh? Is something up, kid? You look distracted.

Chester: You're an archer, too, and I've been wondering ...

Raven: Yeah?

Chester: Natalia and I have quivers, but where do you keep your arrows? You look like you take them out of nowhere!

Raven: Whoa, maybe you think you're better off not knowing?

Chester: _(annoyed)_ Unless you pull them from outta your--

Raven: AHEM. Okay, fine, you win--I have a small quiver on my belt, it's just hidden by my coat. I just slip my hand under the jacket and there're my arrows. Happy now?

Chester: Nah, just a little less curious.

Raven: Oh, that hurts.

--

_(Raven obtained the title of, "Thin-Skinned Old Man")_

_(Chester obtained the title of, "Inquisitor")_

A/N: Also, playing as Raven is fun. Having to yell at Estelle to use Resurrection (because she's a healer, dammit) instead of wasting my Life Bottles is not.


	81. Everyone But Jade

A/N: In a desperate plea of avoiding my ton of homework in the defense I have been sick all weekend (which I have been, but ... dun wanna do homework!). On that note, I finally got Guy's Good Spirits and Dashing Gent titles. Que sexy~ On another note, it's quite interesting to sneeze and cough at the same time.

--

_(Enter Jade and Rita)_

Rita: Y'know, when someone tells me something's supposed to be rare, I am now of the belief that whatever that thing is, it really _isn't_ rare.

Jade: Whatever do you mean?

Rita: Apatheia, for one. We thought blastia cores could only be excavated; we just didn't know where they came from. Though I guess you really can say apatheia's rare now. However!

Jade: However?

Rita: You told me Seventh Fonists were rare. You lied; at least a third of Auldrant must have some ability to use the Seventh Fonon!

Jade: I'm going to assume you're not talking about all those replicas Mohs made ...

Rita: Of course not! Just look at your group!

Jade: Nonsense; our only Seventh Fonists are Tear and Natalia--

Rita: Liar! Look again! Tear and Natalia, sure, but there's also Luke!

Jade: Well, he is a replica, and Lorelei's perfect isofon no less--

Rita: Just let me finish--

Jade: You're saying that to me? My, my.

Rita: Just shut up for a minute! Not just Luke, Tear and Natalia. Guy and Anise are also Seventh Fonists.

Jade: ... Surely you jest. Anise may be able to use fonic artes, but she uses mainly the First and Sixth Fonons. Guy doesn't even have a knack for fonic artes.

Rita: The Seventh Fonon has the power to heal. Guy has an arte called Center, that heals his wounds, correct?

Jade: Yes, but--

Rita: And Anise can learn Resurrection from one of her Tokunagas, right?

Jade: That hardly makes them Seventh Fonists.

Rita: A fonist is an individual who can use fonons to their own purpose. Do you know what this means? Everyone in your team but _you_ can use the Seventh Fonon to some degree! You're the only one who can't!

Jade: _(sigh)_ I am well aware of my abilities and limitations.

_(Enter Marta)_

Marta: Oh, and Rita, it seems most of the cheagle population are also Seventh Fonists.

Rita: Are you kidding me?!

Marta: Not at all.

Jade: How can you be sure? They're rather small to be using fonons much at all.

Marta: Emil told me; he can talk to monsters even without the Sorcerer's Ring. Cheagles even taught Yulia how to use the Seventh Fonon two thousand years ago.

Jade: Cheagles taught ... Yulia ... ?

Rita: So, what, did Yulia go native until she could use the Seventh Fonon?

Marta: _(shrug)_ If you want the details, go ask Emil. He won't keep quiet about it, how monsters are just misunderstood and such and such.

Jade: I'll be going now. Perhaps I can get Guy to pour me a glass of wine ...

_(Exit Jade)_

Marta: ... What's up with him?

Rita: Ha ha, that old man is more fun to make fun of than our own old man.

Marta: "Your" old man ... ?

--

_(Jade obtained the title of, "Bitter Old Man.")_

A/N: And the cheagles teaching Yulia thing ... no joke. In the beginning of the game on the Tartarus, talk to Ion before trying to leave the room and he'll tell you this.


	82. Ask Nicely!

A/N: Thought of this when I realized why my items were mysteriously disappearing in DotNW.

--

_(Enter Yuri and Zelos battling monsters.)_

Yuri: Zelos! Wolf at three o'clock!

_(Zelos is injured)_

Zelos: Dammit! _Thunder Blade!_

_(The monsters perish in the spell.)_

Yuri: Whew ... you okay?

Zelos: Yeah.

Yuri: Wait a minute ...

Zelos: What?

Yuri: What happened to my orange gels? I had ten and now I have only seven.

Zelos: Oh, uh ... I used them.

Yuri: ... Without asking? How did you even--what, did you pick my pocket?!

Zelos: Uh, yeah, simply speaking.

Yuri: Unbelievable.

Zelos: Lemme use what I need, all right? If not for my healing artes and spells, we could've been seriously hurt! And Raine _hurts_ more than she heals ...

Yuri: I'm gonna think twice before I team up with you guys from now on.

Zelos: Ouch, that's a bit cold.

Yuri: At least my teammates ask before they go ahead and take my items!

Zelos: Like you even need orange gels!

Yuri: What if they were special or miracle gels?!

Zelos: You're not hurting for Gald! Unlike you, we don't have a cheesy poker game trick to rack up Gald exponentially!

Yuri: You're good at math, right? Count the damn cards!

Zelos: Tch.

--

_(Zelos obtained the title of, "Shameless Pickpocket.")_


	83. Aer to Mana

A/N: Thought of this one when I came up with a cheesy way Terca Lumireis could supposedly be past Derris-Kharlan.

--

_(Enter Jade, Emil, and Rita.)_

Rita: ... and then we used the apatheia to convert aer to mana, but Estelle had already created a spirit in the giant tree in Halure.

Jade: Interesting. So you made aer closer to matter, and thusly synthesized mana and created spirits. Does this sound familiar to you at all, Emil? Or should I say, Ratatosk?

Emil: Why are you asking me?

Jade: Did you come into contact with this spirit, Rita?

Rita: Yeah. It makes the barrier, the flowers constantly bloom even if it's not the season, and it even possessed material objects. It had a veil, but dropped it.

Jade: Ratatosk, have you considered that your home planet of Derris-Kharlan might actually in fact have been Terca Lumireis?

Emil: Well, the mana and spirits make sense, but ...

Rita: But?

Emil: I don't think that I would have been wearing a veil ...

Jade: So you're going to ignore all this evidence just because you don't think you would have worn a veil?

Emil: That's about the gist of it, actually.

Rita: Oh, well. We'll probably never know the truth.


	84. Where Were You?

A/N: Thought of this as I was brainstorming a possible future fic.

--

_(Enter Klarth and Ratatosk)_

Klarth: Was that really necessary?

Ratatosk: Was what?

Klarth: How you wanted to act as a seal to the Ginnungagap, the door to the demonic realm.

Ratatosk: Richter broke the original seal. What else was I supposed to do?

Klarth: Couldn't you redo the seal?

Ratatosk: Theoretically I could have, but that requires the most skilled elvish mages there are, and if I'm not mistaken, many elves died when the Tower of Salvation collapsed.

Klarth: Hmm. But you are aware that your makeshift seal ... didn't do it.

Ratatosk: I know that! Many areas of Niflheim crossed the dimensional rift between the worlds, which created the Daemonium in your time.

Klarth: Though I must say, it's not all that bad. Niflheim hadn't completely overrun our world, just parts of theirs fused with ours. Plus if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have been able to make pacts with the Daemonium Spirits.

Ratatosk: Tch.

Klarth: Also, did you still administer mana along with Martel?

Ratatosk: Yeah. After about a thousand years or so, the makeshift seal broke, partly because magitechnology was on the rise again. Even so, balance had to be maintained. Along with Origin, we closed the dimensional boundary as much as we could, which made the Daemonium.

Klarth: The Centurions still control monsters?

Ratatosk: Yeah.

Klarth: And even when the world tree withered, the land did not die.

Ratatosk: Because I rewrote the laws of the planet.

Klarth: But I can't help but wonder--where were you when the seal broke? Assuming there's a four thousand year gap between your time and ours, you had to have been somewhere during the last three thousand years!

Ratatosk: ... Traveling, I guess?

Klarth: You could have helped us fight Dhaos!

Ratatosk: I could have, but I'm different than other spirits. I'm the spirit of the first Giant Kharlan Tree. I can exist on both planes of life and magic. Besides, it's not my fault you couldn't find me! And it's not like Dhaos was all evil. In fact, I might have turned against you to protect the tree!

Klarth: But why? Mana is no longer necessary, for life or for holding back Niflheim since you and Origin worked that out.

Ratatosk: Derris-Kharlan is of mana, and as such needs a tree to supply it. All Dhaos wanted was a Great Seed! He probably would have left you alone if you humans hadn't picked up magitechnology again!

Klarth: How could we have known? Dhaos never explained himself to us!

Ratatosk: Tch. You call yourself a scholar. I don't wanna hear this crap anymore!

_(Exit Ratatosk)_

Klarth: Yeesh, he sure is a moody spirit ...

--

_(Ratatosk obtained the title of, "Virtue of Impatience.")_


	85. For Future Generations

A/N: Sorry for uber long pause … I couldn't think of any skits (holds up flame/bullet shield) lol. I can't remember who requested it, but if they're still reading then they'll know who they are :3

--

_(Enter Rita, Klarth, and Raine)_

Raine: _(Is reading)_

Klarth: You sure have a lot of flexibility in your weapon choices.

Rita: Of course! I'm not gonna stick with the same thing for long. It's fun to try out new things. I went from scarves to scrolls to yo-yos, kendamas—

Klarth: I-it's not every day you meet a person that can turn toys and accessories into weapons …

Rita: --tape measures—

Klarth: … (Note to self, never let Rita measure anything!)

Rita: --whips, chains—

Klarth: _(Squeaks in fear)_

Rita: And of course, my spellbook if something gets too close.

Klarth: Well, that's not so strange; I have to use my book like that, too.

Raine: _(Stops reading in surprise)_ Wait, what? You two would risk damaging your spellbooks?! Some of those are valuable ancient texts, like your own Necronimicon Klarth!

Rita: _(shrugs)_ I'd rather have a monster tear apart my book than my arm.

Raine: Nonetheless it is inexcusable! The books have to survive so future generations may benefit from their knowledge!

Rita: Whatever! It's my book now, and I'll use it how I like!

Klarth: If you like, Raine, we can make copies of our spellbooks and entrust them to you so you can pass them on.

Raine: Yes, that's an excellent idea! At least someone has a head on his shoulders!

Rita: Tch, fine Klarth, but you're making the copies.

Klarth: _(Sigh)_


	86. An Impossible Theory

A/N: So my copy of Tales of the Abyss got raped by a friend's PS2 a while ago, it freezes in the beginning upon trying to leave Tataroo Valley, upon trying to launch the Tartarus from the Qliphoth, and on the Isle of Feres. Also in the middle of the ending animation. I … think I might go cry.

--

_(Enter Tear, Raine, Estelle, Colette)_

Tear: _(Singing) Va neu zeu lei, neu toue ryou toue kuroa, Ryou lei kuroa ryou zue lei va zue lei …_

Estelle: _(applauds)_ Wow, those are beautiful, Tear! Are those the fonic hymns we've been hearing about?

Tear: Yes. Yulia's fonic hymns have been passed down in my family in the last two thousand years …

Estelle: It's amazing how singing can invoke power and healing artes!

Tear: It's not that different from using an incantation. The songs work like they do because they use the Seventh Fonon, the fonon of sound.

Raine: I'm more interested in how some of Tear's hymns are virtually identical to some of Colette's angel spells.

Colette: Oh, you're right, Professor! Holy Song, Judgment, and Grand Cross!

Estelle: Now that you mention it, my Force Field arte's pretty similar to Tear's hymn …

Raine: And her fourth hymn is Revitalize, which we can use as a normal healing arte.

Tear: So what is it you're saying? Even on different worlds it's not inconceivable that people would develop similar artes, no matter if they're said or sung.

Raine: I'm curious about Yulia; her Score saw thousands of years into the future. But did she see the future of just her world?

Tear: But she used Lorelei; Lorelei is the planet Auldrant's memory! How could she see the futures of other worlds? Are you suggesting she saw your angel magic and healing artes and made them into her hymns?

Raine: It's certainly a possibility.

Tear: Ugh, I've never heard anything more absurd! Raine, I know you're a scholar but I never thought you'd come up with such an impossible theory.

_(Exit Tear)_

Colette: Professor … Yulia is her ancestor. Maybe that's why she got mad …

Estelle: Yes, those hymns must be special to her. But I don't think it's impossible that Yulia could have derived them from something else.

Raine: Well, scholars must test their hypotheses until they find some definite answers.

Colette: …? But how would you find out if Yulia's hymns are original or based off something else? She lived more than two thousand years ago!

Raine: There are two ways. We can ask Cress or Lloyd to use the Eternal Sword and take us back to that time when Yulia lived, or ask Lorelei itself. Since the hymns are a symbol of the pact between them, surely it knows the truth.

Estelle: But when Luke tried to summon Lorelei, he wound up with Emil instead … Does that mean Lorelei doesn't want to leave its place in the fon belt now that it's finally there?

Colette: After two thousand years of waiting to be free, I can understand how it might feel.

Raine: We'll figure something out. It is a scholar's duty to discover the truth!

--

A/N: To the best of my knowledge there hasn't been an "official" transcription of the lyrics of Tear's hymns, so I tried to capture their sound to the best of my ability.


	87. A Question of Hands

A/N: I've been wondering about this.

--

_(Enter Judith and Jade)_

Judith: Hmm … I wonder …

Jade: Is there something on your mind?

Judith: We know that Cress, Guy, Veigue, and Asch are all right handed, while Luke and Yuri are left-handed.

Jade: Well, right-handedness is more common than left-handedness.

Judith: Indeed it is, but that's not what I was thinking.

Jade: Oh? Pray, enlighten me.

Judith: What is Lloyd's favored hand?

Jade: You can't tell that?

Judith: No, because he uses two swords, and always together, never separately.

Jade: We could always watch him write or ask one of his friends. It could just be he taught himself to be ambidexstrous as well.

Judith: Ambidexstrous? I never thought of that. It certainly is possible.

Jade: Though I am rather surprised that you would be worrying over something so trivial.

Judith: _(Shrugs)_ I've been told Kritya are strange.

--

A/N: I believe Lloyd is right-handed (in cutscenes he always draws the right sword first, always stabs with it, leads attacks with it), but it's fun to imagine him as ambidexstrous. I also laughed hard when I played Vesperia and saw that he's following in Luke's footsteps in being left-handed. Now all I'm waiting for is a left-handed archer (I'm right-handed but left eye dominant, so when I learned archery I was one of the handful that was left-handed. I need to feel represented! Also I find it hilarious that I'm right handed in one way and left handed in another).


	88. Uniforms, Ice Cream, and

A/N: Skit request from Lichlord Kris! Thought of doing this as one giant skit, but I figured it'd be funnier if I did it in installments. Here's the first of … I'm not sure how many.

--

_(Enter Yuri and Asch in a Daathic ice cream parlor)_

Asch: … what the hell are you wearing?

Yuri: _(spooning ice cream into a bowl)_ Hm? Oh, haha, you noticed, huh?

Asch: How would anyone _not _notice if you're dressed exactly like them!?

Yuri: Well, I wouldn't say _exactly. _

Asch: _You're wearing my God-General uniform! _Hell, you've even got my _hair style!_

Yuri: You seriously need to chill out. Doesn't Luke have your uniform, too?

Asch: The dreck only has a part of it, and it wasn't his idea to wear it, it was Emperor Peony's! You, however … _(blinks)_ How _did _you get that, anyway? You didn't just waltz up into my room and—

Yuri: Nah, I was just checking out the cathedral and happened on the laundry room. Amazing, some of the stuff they left down there. Like this thing! _(holds up an extra set of Fon Master robes) _D'you think Captain Karol would make a good Fon Master?

Asch: …

Yuri: Hmm, maybe Rita, she does have to stand back in order to use magic …

Asch: Get. Out. Of my clothes. _(draws his sword)_ _Now._

Yuri: What, in the middle of an ice cream parlor? Think of the children, Asch!

Asch: You're gonna get a Shadow Fury in the ass if you don't move this instant!

Yuri: I think not, you wouldn't want to get ice cream and chocolate syrup on your clothes would you?

_(A vein on Asch's face twitches)_

Asch: To hell with the clothes! _O darkened storm cloud—_

Yuri: _(smiles, the spoon still in his mouth)_

Asch: _--loose thy blade and run my enemy through!_

Yuri: _(withdraws a cube from his pocket)_ Catch! _(throws the cube at Asch)_

Asch: _(looks up curiously)_ _Thunder Bla--_? What in the—Augh!

_(Asch falls to his knees as the fon slot seal Yuri threw takes effect)_

_(Yuri smirks, eating his ice cream)_

Yuri: Bullseye!

Asch: Y-y-yousonuva—

_(Asch collapses)_

Yuri: Never get between a man and his ice cream.

_(Exit Yuri)_

_(Enter Luke and Jade)_

Luke: … I thought fon slot seals took up the entire military budget of a single country to make?

Jade: His Majesty Emperor Peony _does _have some questionable hobbies.

Luke: Damn …

--

A/N: Seeing how there are tons of fanservice costumes in the PS3 Vesperia … expect more of these. As many as I can remember and/or relate to. Also, Yuri seems to like messing with the Abyss characters in Daathic ice cream shops, huh?


	89. Striking Mages

A/N: Learning Rita's altered artes. Bloody Howling actually _looks like _a Bloody Howling haha. Also a continuation of the Spelling Contest skits.

--

_(Enter Genis, Raven, and Anise)_

Genis: So, are you guys considered mages or fighters?

Anise: Hybrid fighters, of course! Tokunaga's suited for close combat, but I can also throw some fonic artes if the situation calls for it. An extra Resurrection does wonders.

Raven: Yeah, I'm already long range so having magic artes makes sense. I can fight close up if I have a transform bow, but it works better if I fight from a distance.

Genis: Man, I can't tell who's what these days. Even regular magic users have strike artes! Throw in altered artes and even a healer like Tear can tear things apart at close range!

Anise: _(shrugs) _She is an Oracle Knight. Daath would be a laughingstock if we had a Seventh Fonist that couldn't take care of herself. Maybe you should consider learning some strike artes, Genis.

Genis: … with my kendama? You know how ridiculous that would be?

Raven: Rita darlin' can use strike artes with a kendama, too. I wouldn't call that ridiculous, exactly—

Genis: Well I would! I don't need strike artes, my magic is just fine!

_(Enter Rita, equipped with a kendama)_

Rita: _Phi!_

Genis: Ahh! _(falls over)_

Rita: You don't need any strike artes? You can't even defend yourself without them!

Genis: Who needs strike artes if you have rhythm, speed cast, and a mystic symbol?!

Rita: Please, you couldn't beat my speed casting.

Genis: Wanna bet?! _Ice Tornado!_

Rita: _(blocks with a Magic Guard) _Get out of here! _Flame Dragon!_

_(The fire streams through the air, rippling in the shape of a dragon and knocks Genis backward)_

Genis: O-ow …

Rita: Yeah, happy freaking new year!

Genis: Wanna charge?! _Thunder Blade!_

_(Rita dodges the lightning sword)_

Rita: This'll tingle a little! _Thunder Blade!_

Genis: Oh my—how can a Thunder Blade have _that _big a radius?!

Anise: He's doomed!

Raven: _(enters Overlimit) Stop Flow!_

_(Rita freezes, her Thunder Blade stopping just inches from striking Genis)_

Raven: C'mon, kids we gotta run before she snaps out of it!

_(Exit Genis, Raven, and Anise)_

_(Rita returns to normal)_

Rita: Grr! _You're not getting away!_

--

A/N: Stop Flow is a cool move, but it was a pain to learn because it cost 100 TP per use. My Raven had around six hundred something TP, so six uses, pop a pineapple gel. I eventually had to swap out his mystic mark for a faerie ring so he wouldn't keep running out of TP.


	90. What Could Have Been

A/N: Sh-shush! I just had to!

--

_(Enter Marta and Anise)_

Marta: I've been wondering … are you sure you don't have anything like tree spirits in Auldrant, Anise?

Anise: Pretty sure. I mean, the closest we'd get is if some ghost were haunting a tree, and seeing how there was the Sword Dancer … but yeah, nothing like you guys have. Why?

Marta: Well, Ratatosk's a tree spirit, and he's the lord of all monsters. In ancient times Ratatosk and his Centurions would make pacts with warriors that could bond with monsters to help balance the mana. They were called Knights of Ratatosk. Knights could command the monsters to help them fight.

Anise: So what're you getting at—_(blinks) _Oh, no, you can't be serious, right?

Marta: Why not? Don't you think it's rather strange that Arietta can bond with monsters and have them fight for her?

Anise: She was raised by monsters! She's not a Knight of Ratatosk or anything! And even if she was, Ratatosk would have some pretty poor taste in making Gloomietta one of his Knights.

_(Enter Tenebrae)_

Tenebrae: Ah, but she did at one point have dozens of monsters under her command all at once when the Oracle Knights ambushed the Tartarus. She would have made an astounding Knight. Even Lord Emil can only command so many monsters in battle at once.

Anise: Wait, so the lord of monsters himself can't use more than a few at once? That's silly, that's like the Colonel only commanding a handful of all his men!

Tenebrae: You forget that Lord Emil is constrained in his human form, and his power had lain dormant much of his journey.

Anise: I don't think Gloomietta would have become one of his Knights in any case, all that mattered to her was Ion.

_(Exit Anise)_

_(Enter Emil)_

Emil: … Actually, I've been thinking about that, too. Arietta really would have made a great Knight.

Marta: Yeah, since she was raised by monsters, she'd have an easier time bonding with them.

Tenebrae: Indeed, helping balance the world's mana would have been a better use of her energy than the regrettable events Commandant Grants set into motion on Auldrant.

--

A/N: First thing I thought when I played ToS II was that Emil was the next Arietta the Wild. He even had someone to protect! Except Marta could fight better than Ion could (however, Ion is made of pure awesome as Luke's MA extension).

Also, there will be more ToV PS3 costume skits, just haven't figured out the next one (prolly gonna be either Tear and Estelle or Luke and Flynn), and there will be future skits in which Rita aims to exact her revenge on Genis and Raven. Fun fun!


End file.
